I was asked to review Eddie's Million Dollar Cookoff, a Disney Channel movie from 2003 about a boy who scandalizes the world with his "girly" interest in cooking. I'm not sure why. Star Taylor Ball was only 15 at the time, so there won't be anyone for adults to look at, and there's a girl next to him on the icon, so no gay subtexts.
In fact, according to the reviews, Cookoff tries so aggressively to prove that Eddie is straight "in spite of" his interest in cooking that it becomes homophobic.
Just in case, I went through the movie on fast-forward.
Scene 1: Eddie is playing macho baseball and cramming hotdogs down his face.
Scene 2: He brings his friends home for macho roughhousing, while his parents discuss how his baseball prowess is going to make them rich: a college scholarship, then going pro, or maybe he'll be scouted and go pro right after high school.
Eddie's friends, by the way, are played by Orlando Brown and Reiley McClendon. When I searched for Reiley, I got the top photo. Don't yell at me if it's not really him; beefcake is beefcake. Orlando (left) doesn't seem quite so buffed.
Scene 3:: Eddie turns on the tv to look for a program about farting or something. He stumbles onto a cooking show and has an epiphany: "Cooking is the best thing I've ever seen! I want to devote my life to it!" I guess he never saw anyone cook before.
Scene 4: In the kitchen, Eddie is staring in ecstasy at a raw chicken leg, while his friends grunt and yell "Come on, Macho Dude, the game is on! Leave the cooking to the ladies!"
"Hey, guys, let's cook something for Mom, Dad, and the football hunks?"
"WHAT???? Are you crazy? Cooking is girly!"
But he cooks the chicken anyway, while his friends stare slack-jawed. "Oh, no, Eddie has turned swishy!"
Scene 5: The football hunks come in with pizza, see Eddie's macho fried chicken on the counter, and descend upon it like a pack of wild dogs, grunting and growling and fighting over pieces. They then ridicule Eddie and call him a girl (the worst possible insult!). Eddie gets angry, but Dad says "They're just ribbing you. No one really thinks that you're...um...you know." Yes, I think we all know.
The football hunks are actually Eddie's brothers, played by Nick Miller and Johnny Barker. Neither had many credits on IMDB, or beefcake photos.
Scene 6: At school, Eddie and his friends discuss what classes to take this term. Eddie gazes in awe at the Home Economics room, with its glittering stoves and work counters. Does he dare?
He dares. He "accidentally" grabs the wrong clipboard, so he and his friends sign up for home economics by "mistake." Teacher is shocked
Surprise: the school's Rich Bitch is in the class, plus Butch Hannah from the baseball team. She's usually into macho things like sports, but Mom insisted: you can't land a husband with a baseball bat. Ulp...ten to one Eddie falls in love with Rich Bitch, but ends up dating Girl-Next-Door Hannah.
Scene 7: Eddie in ecstasy, cooking by himself in a darkened kitchen with his macho dog by his side.
Scene 8: Baseball practice. Dad happens to be the coach (stacking the deck, innit?). "Buzz buzz strategies advice, your baseball playing is going to make us all rich and famous...and stop acting like a girl!"
Eddie: "Dad, I swear, I'm a boy. I'm into baseball, not cooking!"
Dad: "So, how was school today? Did you sign up for macho boy-type classes?" Uh-oh.
More after the break
Scene 9: Home Economics class. Eddie argues with Rich Bitch, while his friends gaze in ecstasy. "Look, Eddie likes girls! He's not...um, you know. What a relief!"
He still has to pretend that he hates the class that he signed up for "by mistake." But there's a cook-off coming up. A chance to be macho and competitive while cooking! Perfect!
Scene 10: Baseball practice. The guys like some purple goop that Eddie brought, and suspect that he's the girl who made it, but Butch Hannah comes to the rescue, claiming that it's her Mom's.
Scene 11: Eddie is cooking purple goop for the cookoff, when Mom comes in and sees him...in the kitchen! Ulp! He stammers and sweats as he tries to think of a valid explanation. "Um...there's this cookoff, and it's not a girl thing. You can win a cash prize and a scholarship to an amazing school. That's macho, right?"
Mom is fine with Eddie being...um...a chef. "It doesn't matter if you're into baseball or cooking. Do whatever makes you happy." Is this a metaphor for coming out?
Scene 12: Montage of Eddie cooking, hiding his cooking from his brothers, and playing baseball. When he hits a home run, the two coaches hug each other, then realize that they're touching each other and jump away in homophobic panic. Ugh, I touched another guy! People might think I'm girly!
Scene 13: Eddie comes out to his friends: "Signing up for this class wasn't a mistake. I like cooking. I know it's wrong, but I like it. I don't know why." Definite gay metaphor going on here.
His friends are supportive. "But what will happen when your Dad finds out! He's way homophobic...um, I mean cooking-phobic."
Scene 14: Speak of the Devil: Dad just found out. He is furious. "Lying to me, sneaking around behind my back to do this disgusting...cooking! You're throwing away your future!" Mom comes in.
Dad: Did you know about this?
Mom: I guess I've always known, on some level. Umm....
Scene 15: Home Ec Teacher humiliates Eddie by outing him in front of the other students: "Time to practice for the cookoff!"
He goes home and watches a cooking show on tv, but quickly switches to baseball when Dad comes in. I did that many times as a teenager.
Outed at school, he gets constant "you're a girl!" insults.
Plus the big cook-off is scheduled the same day as the big baseball game! He has to choose, macho or girly!
I'm out of space, so no more scene-by-scene analysis. There are "trying to understand" conversations with Dad: "I don't know who you are anymore." More acceptance from Mom and his teammates: "You go do what you have to do. We'll stand beside you."
Dad finally comes around, and even puts on an apron to help Eddie at the cook-off. (The Disney Channel equivalent of helping him dress for the big drag queen contest.)
Spoiler Alert: Eddie doesn't win, but it doesn't matter because he found something he loves. Also, the team wins the big game without him. And celebrity chef Bobby Flay appears, but oddly talks to one of Eddie's friends, not Eddie.
Beefcake: None.
Gay Characters: Cooking is an obvious metaphor for being gay.
Heterosexism: None. Nobody expresses any heterosexual interest, not even Eddie. I don't know what the review was talking about.
My Grade: B.
This would have made more sense if it had been made in 1973- these days with all these good looking macho types chefs on tv I doubt anyone would think cooking a "girly" profession.
ReplyDelete