Scream Queens: Glen Powell and John Stamos compare dicks at a sinister hospital. And there's a serial killer. And some butts

 

I was recommended Glen Powell's shower scene in Episode 2.2 of the horror-comedy Scream Queens.  I watched ten minutes of the first episode when it premiered in 2015, and turned it off, but for a shower-scene why not give it another chance?

Link to NSFW version

The premise: this is a genre-bending horror-comedy about a serial killer stalking co-eds, all named Chanel, with the headmistress played by Jaime Lee Curtis, the Last Girl from Halloween.  

Scene 1: In the last episode, a swamp monster played by Jeremy Batiste killed a patient at the C.U.R.E. Institute, where "the incurable are curable." Wait, I thought we were at a college. The cop is not impressed, and thinks that Outcast Chanel did it..  Evil Dean Munsch, played by Jaime Lee Curtis, thinks that  thecop  is an idiot.

The other two Chanels also think that Outcast Chanel did it, out of frustration because she's so ugly no one will screw her: "The closest shes gotten to sex is when a bookshelf fell on her."  Why, did it have a book about sex? I don't get the joke.   And jealous because they scored hot dates with the Sleazoid Doctors, Brock and Cascade(Taylor Lautner, top photo, John Stamos).

Scene 2: The Sleazoid Doctors and Chanels are interviewing Tyler, played by Colton Haynes, who is covered with large orange tumors, actually not disgusting.  So the Chanels have graduated with nursing degrees, and all gone to work at the Institute, and the headmistress became their boss?  That's not at all unlikely.   

His  regular doctors say that it is incurable, but the Sleazoid Doctors think that  they can remove the tumors with a CO2 Laser.  Except they're too expensive; there aren't any at the center. So just transfer him to a facility that has one.

Scene 3: A non-Chanel nurse and Chamberlain, played by James Earl, wonder why, if Evil Dr. Munsch was upstairs during the murders, she didn't hear the screams and growling?  She must be in on it.

Last season, she was in charge of a college, and did some crazy shenanigans, but the Chanels foiled her scheme.  Dr. Munsch must have brought them here for revenge, sending the swamp monster  to pick them off one by one. So, what are her qualifications?  All she has is the honorary Ph.D. that the University of Pittxburgh took from Bill Cosby.

Scene 4:  Sleazoid Doctor #1 on his movie date with the Head Chanel. She reveals her favorite hobby: dropping popcorn on the floor, so the fatties feel bad about themselves.  He loves the idea!  

Meanwhile, Orange Boy and Outcast Chanel bond over stories of being the outcast in their cliques. He shows her a picture from before the orange tumors: he was hot!  She vows to get him the money for the CO2 Laser. 

More screaming after the break

The Hottest 10 Ten Doctors of "Scrubs"

Spoiler alert: the guy's last name is actually Braff, not Branff, but when you conduct research, either will work.

I can't tell you how much I dislike Scrubs (2001-2010), the "comedy" about obnoxious doctors acting like jerks.  In last night's episode, they were all in a tizzy because Elliot (a female doctor) was dating a male nurse.  A male nurse!   They have never heard of such a thing!  He must be "the girl" in the relationship, and Elliot must be the "boy"

It wasn't just one character.  They all ridiculed the guy who degraded himself so much that he did a woman's job!

But at least there's substantial beefcake.  Not only patients.  The doctors take their shirts off every second.

 1. Zach Branff as J.D., the obnoxious narrating character: "Today I learned that relationships are hard."






2. Donald Faison as his bff Turk, who acts like a five-year old and is obsessed with the ladies.  He's the one who decided that going to the gym makes you a pathetic loser.  I can tell.  He's been in better shape.

3. Johnny Kastl as Doug, a skittish doctor who's terrified of his supervisor, and often runs away n a panic.














4. Dave Franco as Cole Aaronson, a spoiled fratboy doctor.

5. Travis Schuldt as Keith "The Dude" Dudemeister (I'm not making this up.)

More after the break.

10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 2

I'm being forced to watch the awful medical "comedy" Scrubs, which apparently lasted for 9 whole seasons.  I usually keep my eyes on my computer screen or book to avoid the gross medical procedures, annoying characters, and jaw-droppingly horrible plotlines, just pausing to nod when my friend turns to me and asks "Isn't this the best show ever?"

The only redeeming feature is the beefcake.  The male physique is on display far more often than the female.

The regular cast strips down constantly (this is Robert Mascio as The Todd, a surgeon horndog who drools, leers, and makes gross sexual propositions to every woman he sees, yet is not fired.  At least he has a physique).

And there is a constant stream of musclemen in hospital gowns playing patients.  They usually die, but still...

Here are the 10 hunkiest patients from the last half of Scrubs (Seasons 5-9), arranged in order of the seriousness of their disease.


1. Joseph (Tony  Tambi).  Appendectomy.

2. Roger (Tim Munday, left). Amnesia.

3. Alex (Peter Holden). Porphyria (a blood disorder, makes your pee purple).

4. Emery (Michael Mitchell, left), Mysterious burns.

5. Joe (Kevin Rahm, left), Lyme Disease.  I don't know what that is, but it sounds serious.

6. Tom (Scott Rinker).  Kidney transplant.

















7. Brian (Michael Weston), brain damage, no short term memory.

8. John (Scott Holroyd, left). Breast cancer.  The "comedy" involves the demasculation of a guy getting a disease that's "just for women," to the consternation of his macho brothers.

9. Eric (Henry LeBlanc), paralyzed.

10. Cole (Dave Franco).  A medical student with skin cancer.  Survives.

See also: The 10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 1

10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 1

I'm being forced to watch Scrubs (2001-2010), about medical interns at Sacred Heart Hospital, told from the point of view of nebbish medical intern J.D. (Zach Braff).  The rest of the main cast consist of two other interns (his best buddy and on-off girlfriend), two established doctors, and some nurses.

I usually keep my eyes on a book or computer screen, to avoid the gross medical procedures, people dying, the world's most annoying characters, and jaw-droppingly bad plotlines.

The one I saw last night had doctors actually disapproving of exercise!  Turk (Donald Faison) worries that he's getting a little pudgy from sitting on the couch every night, eating donuts with his girlfriend, so he begins to work out.  But then he realizes that guys who exercise, notably Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley), are pathetic losers who have no lives.  At the end of the episode, he "comes to his senses," abandons his exercise program, and returns to the couch to each donuts with his girlfriend.

That's right -- a medical program disapproves of exercise but approves of eating donuts!

But there is ample beefcake.  J.D. and Turk are shirtless more often than not, and there's a constant stream of hunky patients.  Some of them even live through the episode.

Here are the top 10 hunks of the first half of the series (Seasons 1-4), arranged in order of seriousness of their disease.

1. Sean (Scott Foley, top photo).  Irregular heartbeat.  Turns out to be a false alarm.

2. Will (John Ducey). Tested for lung cancer.  Turns out to be negative.

3. Another Will (Michael Hagerty, left).  We don't learn what's wrong with him, but he makes Turk uncomfortable because he's gay.

4. Mr. Foster (Ron Ostrow), who drove his golf cart into a tree.

5. Mike (Jason-Shane Scott, left), who wrapped his car around a telephone poll.

6. Sam (Alexander Chaplin), a drug addict.

7. Ben(Brendan Fraser, left). Leukemia. Survives.








8. Unnamed Patient (Paul Connor).  Coma, brain dead for two months, but wakes up in a Christmas miracle.

9.  David (Travis Wester, left).  Comes into the hospital with a hernia, but they find cancer.  Dies.

10. Jack (Adam Harrington).  Went into a coma just before his wedding. Dies.

See also: 10 Hunkiest Scrubs Patients, Part 2.