Johnny Karn: Lost virginity, pretentious straightness, psycho-slashers, and the most incredible d*ck you've ever seen

Link to the n*de photos

I found some very impressive photos belonging to someone named Johnny Karn, actor, with the most incredible d*ck you've every seen.  Even if he's a straight jerk, he's getting a profile.

#1: Is he gay in real life?  This requires checking his Instagram, Facebook, or in a pinch, TikTok.

Gay potential: "Two homies are standing up against bullying."

But Homie #2 is Alex Sola, whose Instagram consists almost entirely of photos establishing his marriage to the Most Beautiful Woman in the World.  The Homies were just pretending to be gay.

Plus Johnny poses with a woman and two young girls, saying: "Drinking deep from the chalice of life and holding our loved ones close."

Not only straight, but straight and pretentious.  

I already dislike this guy, but who cares?  His membrum virile is magnificent by every measure: length, width, and so on.  

#2: Has he played any gay characters?  This requires checking the IMDB, and maybe some episode synopses.

Research problem: there's no Johnny Karn.  The IMDB suggests Johnny Carson and John Karn, whose only screen credit is Jinxed (2000).   Our guy ain't Johnny Carson, and he's too young to be John Karn.

Turns out that he goes by John Karna on stage, and Johnny Karn in everyday life. 

Johnny Karn -- I mean John Karna -- was born in 1992 in Harris County, Texas.  Ugh, I spent the worst year of my life in Hell-fer-Sartain, Harris County, as an English instructor at Homophobia U.  

He graduated from Stanford High School in 2011,  and enrolled at the University of Oklahoma as a musical theater major. That's only marginally better. 

During his freshman year, he started his on-screen acting career with Bindlestiffs (2012): three high school guys, including Johnny as John Woo, are desperate to lose their virginity.  

He was also cast in as the lead in Premature, which premiered in 2014 at the SXSW FIlm Festival: A high school boy has to relive losing his virginity over and over until he meets with the right girl. What's with this "losing your virginity" theme? 

Among his misadventures: having to pleasure himself for the men's volleyball team when he calls them homophobic, although they are allies, and one of the team members is gay. 

Johnny's very attractive backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

 IndieWire named Johnny one of the "top 10 breakout stars" of 2014, so he dropped out of college and moved to Los Angele. Much better.  Get a place in West Hollywood.

More after the break

Grading the Beefcake of "American Horror Stories"

 American Horror Stories is a horror-story anthology produced by Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, whose American Horror Story series often has significant gay representation.  Here, after the first story, LGBT characters are mostly erased, so instead I'm going to evaluate the beefcake, on a scale of 1 (all girls) to 10 (sausage fest).

Episodes 1-2, "Rubber Woman":  Scarlett, a 16-year old girl, becomes involved with BDSM, which on tv always means that you like to kill people.  So she and her ghost-girlfriend start killing.  

Beefcake: Matt Bomer and Gavin Creel play the parents.  Bomer is ok, but Creel has ridiculous long shaggy hair.  We see them shirtless briefly.  Otherwise it's all girls. Grade: 2

Episode 3, "Drive In": High schooler Chad (Rhenzy Feliz) takes his girlfriend to a drive-in showing of a movie rumored to be cursed: anyone who sees it turns into a vicious zombie-monster.  Since this is American Horror Stories, the curse is real.  

A transwoman has a significant role as the girlfriend's best friend, who is dating one of the high school hunks.  She is the last identifiable LGBTQ character in the series.

Beefcake: Rhenzy displays a little of his chest while having sex.  His best friend (Leonardo Cecchi) doesn't have any shirtless scenes.  Grade: 3

Episode 4, "The Naughty List"  Four social media influencers try to get more subscribers by filming someone committing suicide.  When that backfires, they try pretending to be attracted to each other while saying "No homo" (they're jerks, so the homophobia is expected).  That backfires, so they go to the mall at Christmastime and make fun of Santa Claus and his elves.  He puts them on the "naughty list."

Beefcake:  Nonstop!  Three of the influencers (Charles Melton, Nico Greetham, above, and Dyllon Burnside, left) are half-naked all the time, and the fourth (Kevin McHale) is shown briefly in the hot tub.  Plus there are some hunks at the boys' Christmas party.  Grade: 10.

Episode 5, "Ba'al":  A rich lady trying to get pregnant puts an ancient Babylonian fertility fetish under her bed (isn't Ba'al Canaanite? ).  She has a baby, but things go horribly wrong.  Meanwhile her husband (Ronen Rubenstein) has an agenda of his own.

Beefcake:  Rubenstein never unbuttons a button, not even during sex.  He has some cute male friends, but they are likewise beefcake deficient. Grade: 2.

Episode 6, "Feral":  While seeking their long-lost son, a heterosexual couple run afoul of feral humanoid creatures.  One of which turns out to be....

Beefcake: Dad (Aaron Tveit, left) is cute, but always fully clothed, even during sex.  The other male actors are not particularly swoonworthy.  Grade: 2.

Episode 7, "Game Over."  A woman creates a video game based on the Murder House from Season 1 of American Horror Story and Episodes 1-2 of this series.  She and her son go to the real Murder House, and get involved in the tying up of loose ends.

Beefcake: Adam Hagenbuch, one of the characters in the video game, displays his physique. Dylan McDermott from Season 1 appears briefly.  Grade: 5.

Strange that the worst episode of the series, "The Naughty List," has the most beefcake, and the best of the series, "Ba'al," has the least.