The trailer of The Seventh Day, on Netflix, appeared to show a hot guy being rescued from a zombie -- by a priest invoking the Power of Christ. Turns out to be an exorcism movie: the hot guy is another priest, and the zombie is a possessed woman. Demon possession turns you into a zombie nowadays? But movies about priests by definition can't have hetero-romance, so I'm in.
Scene 1: Baltimore, 1995. The tv shows Pope John Paul II visiting; parade, mass in a giant stadium, close-ups of grinning kids. Mega-hot beach stud Peter (Chris Galust) and elderly Father Louis prepare for an exorcism by hugging and praying
It's a scary possessed boy. The demon taunts them a la The Exorcist, invites Peter to come over to the dark side, and kills Father Louis before burning the boy to death.
Scene 2: New Orleans, 2021. While the tv provides plot exposition (12 year old Charlie Giroux is accused of murdering his parents and sister), the Captain -- um, I mean Archbishop -- introduces mega hot beach stud Daniel (Vadher Derbez, top photo) to his new partner, the 50-something Father Peter (Guy Pearce). I'd date him if he got rid of the stupid 1970s porn stache.
Father Peter sneers at the new recruit -- eager, idealistic, top of his class at the Exorcism Academy, but with no field experience. He'll be eaten by a demon within a week.
But like it or not, Father Peter is getting a partner -- the number of demon possessions has risen "precipitously," so the Church needs all the demon-slayers...um, exorcists...it can get.
Father Peter: "Fine. Newbie, go get me some coffee." Har-har.
Scene 3: In the squad car. Father Peter is drinking beer and singing along to rock music, while Daniel tries to pretend that he's not shocked. Daniel: "I was top of my class!" Father Peter: "Did they give you a gold star for being adorable, Newbie? This isn't playtime! People get hurt!"
First assignment: a homeless camp under the freeway. Father Peter invites Daniel to identify the possessed person -- first lesson at the Exorcism Academy, right? He chooses the crazy guy who yells for "you and your creepy-ass friend to get out!" Nope: it's the saintly elderly volunteer, Helen! (This is the saved-from-a-zombie scene.)
Scene 4: On to the next case: The house where 12-year old Charlie (Brady Jennes) killed his family. Daniel uses his spidey senses to look back at the past: Creepy Dad and Mom and Sis (in Amish outfits?) berating Charlie for not liking football and hanging out with "filthy, disgusting children."; the neighborhood pedophile priest feeling him up Hey, why can these reflections of the past notice Daniel standing there?; Charlie whacking his Mom; Charlie hiding under the bed.
Scene 5: They still have to prove that Charlie is possessed, not just a heavily abused boy who snapped, so they go to the juvenile detention center and use their credentials as employees of a "titan of influence and corruption" to get an interview. Still-sarcastic Father Peter stays behind: "If you're so smart, newbie, interview him all by yourself"
Charlie recognizes Daniel from those moments when he was looking into the past! He tells the story: while he was at Skate City with his old friends, he saw a strange man. Later the man appeared in his room, crawled into his bed and...Oh God, another pedophile...said "You've got to help me." The demon comes out before he can finish: "We're taking over. You can't fight it, so why not let us in?"
Scene 6: In the lounge, Daniel announces that the boy is indeed possessed. Father Peter: "What's the demon's name? Surely you asked, Top of the Class?" Ok, then, they have to find the doorway, something that showed Charlie how to "get to the other side." Wait -- I thought the demon came to you.
Scene 7: Skate City, the run-down roller skating rink where Charlie said the man first appeared. It's deserted except for a girl named Jazzy skating, then playing video games with Aaron and Carson (Bjorgvin Anarson) The boys are black -- that's why Charlie's Mom didn't want him hanging out with them. Racist and abusive!
By the way, Bjorgvin Anarson is, according to his modeling profile, "the most interesting kid in the world," born in the U.S., raised in Japan, with an Icelandic name, and his favorite food is escargot.
The kids take the fathers to a storeroom they use as a secret hideout, and show them the ouija board Charlie played with. 99% of ouija boards are harmless, so Daniel tries this one to see if it can really summon demons.
It can. It gives him a bloody flashback of the murders, with Daniel holding the axe.
Scene 8: The Archbishop tells the fathers that the higher-ups have already been decided. Charlie will go to trial. "No! He's not guilty due to demonic possession!" Daniel shouts. "You have to let me prove it!" Buzz buzz rules are rules. If you can convince the psychiatrist doing the evaluation....
Out in the office, Daniel is waiting for Father Peter when suddenly, with no buildup, the Archbishop's secretary gives him the phone number of her nephew, Kevin, "a lovely boy." Um...setting up the father on a date? Aren't priests supposed to be celibate? And how did she know he was gay? Daniel: "How big is he? Um...I mean, thanks. Maybe I'll give him a call."
Scene 9: The fathers observing Charlie's psychiatric evaluation. They have to act fast -- he's almost entirely gone. Daniel asks Charlie to describe the man that visited him. "He was tall, with long hair, a beard, and sandals. He had holes in his hands and feet" The demon demonstrates by making a pencil stab the psychiatrist and floating in the air like Jesus on the cross.
I'm not going to give away the rest of the story, but I was shocked by who the Man turns out to be (not Jesus). And the other unexpected plot twists.
It was nice to see a gay guy rescuing a young boy for a change, instead of being a threat.
The movie ends with Daniel setting out to meet with Kevin. Not for a date, but still, a major gay subtext.
I don't understand the negative reviews. I found this fresh, exciting, suspenseful, and gay-positive. Oh, maybe that's why.
My Grade: A
Upbeat horror, maybe?
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