"Untamed": Surly cop investigates a murder at Yosemite National Park, with a gay-subtext buddy and a paranormal plot twist

 

The Top TV Show on Netflix this week is Untamed, about a murder in the "untamed wilderness" of Yosemite National Park in California. There's supposedly some paranormal content, so I'm in.

Scene 1: Two hot guys arre rock-climbing on the sheer face of El Capitan, a 3,000 foot rock monolith in Yosemite National Park. I'm getting nervous just watching them.  Suddenly a dead woman falls from the top, tangling into their rope and almost plummeting both of them to their deaths. 

The guys are stuntmen and professional rock climbers Colton Belley (left) and Adrian Persad (below).  

Colton fills his Instagram with girl-hugging photos, but Adrian does not.

So they were actually up there?  It wasn't CGI?

Cut to the crotch of a middle aged ranger, Turner (Eric Bana), examing the tracks of poachers who killed a bear.  The kid with him asks why they rode horses and used arrows: because they're quieter.  "But it's too late to catch them, so let's go swimming."  Aren't you at work? Why is your kid with you?  But then he gets the call.

He arrives at the crime scene on a horse -- the other cops, rangers, and paramedics mock him as "Gary F*cking Cooper."  How do you even know who that is?   He's an ISB Special Agent, and therefore thinks he's better than the lowly rangers; he "busts our balls" over everything.

He snootily ignores the introduction to Investigator Naya Vasquez and asks if the two climbers knew the Dead Girl.  No, they just looked up and there she was.  They didn't hear anything, or see anybody else.  Well, they were fighting for their lives.

It's starting to storm, so the SAR guys refuse to go down to where she is dangling and retrieve her, but Turner does it.  His evaluation: she was mauled by a coyote or dog; there are wounds from trying to fight them off; she ran up from the forest below with no shoes.

Scene 2: Coroner's Office. The coroner agrees with Turner's evaluation, and finds a large tattoo X filled with gold.  

At the station, the head ranger Paul (Sam Neill, left) advises him to be a little friendlier to the rangers.  "Nope, they're all idiots, and I hate them all."  How many murder investigations are there in this park, for them to work with him often? 

Park superintendent Lawrence wants the "animal attack" covered up.  If they think there are packs of wild animals attacking visitors, people will stay away.

Scene 3: At night, Turner rides his horse to the bottom of El Capitan, to see if the woman dropped anything on the way down.  She did: a bracelet with little letters on it.

Scene 4: A lady asleep in bed. Turner calls at 2:30 am to invite her to a meteor shower on Thursday.  Heterosexual identity established at Minute 18.  Must be his ex: he reminisces about their happy times together, but she isn't having it: "Are you drinking?"  She hangs up; her boyfriend offers to have a talk with him about boundaries.

Scene 5: In the morning, Agent Naya Vasquez drops by.  The boss wants her to help with the case, to make things go faster.  "Heck, no.  Your stupidity will slow me down." 

"Tough, the boss ordered me. I don't want to be here ause you're an incredibly sexy...I mean arrogant jerk."  

"Ok, hang on while I have breakfast."  Whiskey and pills.  "Ok, I'm ready."

She notices a photo of his kid, and tries to bond by mentioning that she has a kid about his age, and she's single, hint hint, but he's not into being social.  "Let's get to work"

Vasquez wants to canvass the lodges around, but he points out that the park is the size of Rhode Island and gets 100,000 visitors a week.  The busiest month is August, with 600,000 visitors. 

More after the break

Shane Gray: Stunt performer, pole vaulter, boy scout, man's man, with a potential p*enis and some locker room hijinks

Link to the potential p*enis and locker room hijinks

I was running low on Righteous Gemstones cast members to profile, so I checked the stunt performers for Episode 4.1, and found Shane Gray.

He was fun to research because there are a lot of Shane Grays in the world -- an African musician, an Arkansas "husband and father," a baseball player, someone who is recently deceased and extensively mourned on Facebook,  plus the fictional Shane Gray of Camp Rock, played by Joe Jonas.

Our Shane Gray is a "Stunt Man, Stunt Rigger, Action Actor, Eagle Scout."  

He has a very brief Facebook page, some newspaper articles about his boy scouting and pole vaulting, and a Youtube Channel with some audition videos.  Here he auditions for the role of Monkey D. Luffy at the Universal Fan Fest 2025.

He attended Thousand Oaks High School, where he was a pole vaulter (on the right) and had an entry in the Westlake Village Student Art Show.  He graduated in 2022.

He works with his father,  Jason Gray, another "husband and father" who runs his own rigging company and has 200 stunt jobs listed on the IMDB. 

In-your-face heteronormativity?  That explains why I didn't profile Jason.  Plus he has no beefcake photos.  Shane does.

.

The IMDB lists five stunt jobs for Shane.

He was a stunt rigger for the music video Die for You, by The Weekend (2021).

Fire safety in an episode of American Horror Story (2022): he gets set on fire.

Utility stunts in Fade to Black (upcoming), a horror movie starring John Carroll Lynch, Thomas Barbusca, Gavin Leatherwood, and Scott Evans.

Utility stunts in The Wolf and the Lamb (upcoming), a Western starring Zach McGowan (left), Eric Nelsen, Mike Manning, and Elias Kacavas

Stunt performer in The Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.1 (2025)

N*de photos after the break

Jake Kelley's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Modeling, Arm-Wrestling, and Nekkid Cowboys

See the NSFW version of this post here.

In 2023, Jake Kelley was an up-and-coming actor, with major roles in The Righteous Gemstones, Dogwood and the Secrets that Bind Us.  The writers' and actors' strikes have kept him off screen for several months, but he's making good use of his down time with theater and modeling.  

When he was in Los Angeles to model for  UScape Apparel (collegiate sweaters, t-shirts, and such), he took time off for a vacation.

Playing volleyball in Hermosa Beach.

Riding horses in San Luis Obispo

Holding hands with a guy in a cowboy bar.  Yes, I know that they're arm-wrestling, but you should see some of the comments on Jake's instagram page,  Mega-homoerotic.  One of the least graphic is: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."

There are some nekkid cowboys who may or may not be Jake Kelley on  Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends

"Malibu Country": Reba McIntyre Stars in the Most Startlingly Homophobic Piece This Side of "Chuck and Buck"

 

In the days before streaming, American tv shows had to run for at least 100 episodes (about four years), or they wouldn't go to syndication and you would never see them again.  Today the streaming services, hungry for new content, are grabbing up shows that were yanked after a year or two, or even after a few episodes, and selling them as masterpieces. And as new!

Today Hulu tried to sell me Malibu Country as a newly-aired masterpiece -- it actually ran for five months in 2012-2013.  Several years after Reba, country music legend Reba McEntire returned briefly to tv as a  country music legend who moves from the South to Malibu ("swimming pools...movie stars").  Let me guess -- homespun down-to-earth family-friendly wisdom will triumph over big city greed, yawn.  But it has a gay character, Jai Rodriguez as a record label executive, and in an interview with The Advocate, Reba assures us that other gay characters will appear: "I've got a huge gay following, and they've always been supportive," she explains.  So I'll review the first episode.

Scene 1: A gossip tv show fills us in on the premise: 15 years ago, country-western singer Reba dropped out of show business to be a stay-at-home mom.  But the media just discovered that her husband, country music legend Bobby (Jeffrey Nording. top photo), had an affair.  During a press conference, he apologizes "to God and his family," and forces Reba to say that she forgives him.  Instead she yells: "You're a moron, and I'm divorcing your lying, cheating butt!"  

Scene 2: Reba in the car with her elderly mother, teenage daughter June, and teenage son Cash (Justin Prentice, left), fielding questions about why they're moving from the South (Nashville) to Malibu ("swimming pools...movie stars").  Cash is excited about getting a new, hot girlfriend to augment his girlfriend back home.  Hetero-horniness established in the first words out of his mouth!  Boo! 

This is obviously a Beverly Hillbillies homage, with Reba as Jed, Cash as Jethro, June as Elly Mae, and Mom as Granny.

Scene 3:  They are shocked by the elegance of their new house.  As the family of a country music legend, they must have had a nice house back home, but they act as if they were living in a cabin in the hills, like the Beverly Hillbillies.  Cash's second line: "Hey, we're right on the beach,  I can't wait to see some girls in bikinis, because they put boobs in bikinis and I'm heterosexual and obsessed with boobs."  

Next door neighbor Kim introduces herself.  Reba is a hero to all of the wives in Malibu because of her bravery in broadcasting her husband's wrongdoing.  She would like to hold a press conference and announce "My husband likes to wear my panties!"  Her second line is a transphobic joke. She's standing right next to Mom, played by Lily Tomlin, a lesbian who has been out in Hollywood for 40 years. 

Her third line is a suggestion that Reba get a plastic surgeon to augment her boobs, so she'll fit in with the other wives in Malibu.  Mom asks "Did you used to be a man?"  Trans women didn't "used to be men," you transphobe. They were always women.  They get gender affirmation surgery to make their bodies correspond more closely to their actual gender.

Scene 4:  Afternoon.  Reba comes in with groceries and asks Cash how his first day of school went.  Not good -- his girlfriend back home dumped him, and not many Malibu girls want to show him their boobs.  But shy, friendless wallflower daughter June likes it here because she made a friend!

Reba is shocked when the friend turns out to be a boy, Sage (Hudson Thames), the son of Kim next door.  It's ok for teenage boys to have sex with girls, but teenage girls must never look at boys,  talk to boys or interact with them in any way, ever! 

Daughter June reassures her: "It's ok -- he's gay."  Reba is shocked again: "But you don't seem gay -- you seem normal." She means that he's not swishy.  She thought all gay men were hairdressers who said "fabulous" a lot. 

Scene 5: Reba has an appointment with record producer Mr. Bata to talk about re-launching her country music career, but she runs afoul of his swishy, limp-wristed assistant, Geoffrey (Jai Rodriguez).  See, all real gay men swish!  He tells her that Mr. Bata is planning to set up appointments because her ex-husband is very important, and then cancel them because he isn't interested in helping her.  She's not young and sexy, and she has no "hook."  Couldn't she sing in live venues instead of cutting a new record?

Scene 6: Back home, Reba discovers that Mom has a new prescription for marijuana edibles.  "No drugs" she shrieks.  

Discovering that her teenage daughter is at Sage's house, Reba shrieks "We don't even know him!" and runs over to stop her daughter from having male friends.  They're kissing!  Apparently Sage just tells girls that he's gay so they will say "I'm so good in bed, I'm sure I can change you back to normal again."  How would that work?  Maybe girls in Nashville still think that you can change from gay to straight, but surely girls in California know that you can't.

Reba calls out Kim, the mother, to tell on Sage: "He's telling girls he's gay to get them into bed!"  Kim is oblivious: "You have a problem with homosexuals!" How would she be still using that outdated, offensive term, in California, while thinking that her son is gay?  She offers to teach Reba how to be more tolerant, but Reba is having none of it.  She rushes out in disgust.

Scene 7: Everyone is gathered in the kitchen.  Reba rushes in.  She hates Malibu, with the fake homos and the real homos, and the girls making friends with boys.  They're moving back to the South, where no one is gay or fake gay, boys have sex with girls, and no girl ever talks to a boy.  Hey, Reba, they've been celebrating Nashville Pride every year since 1988.

Son Cash is thrilled: "I'll be able to have sex with girls again!"  Mom, not so much. "You can get your country-music career back out here.  Not in Nashville."  Not in the country music capital of the world, where she must have dozens of contacts in the industry from her famous husband?  Reba decides to try to make it work.

Scene 8: Reba working on a song: "Getting out of the saddle in my pickup truck." Do pickup trucks really have saddles?  "I love everything about my new life, especially the part where I'm not your wife."

Scene 9: Back to the music producer's office to encounter swishy assistant Gregory.  She announces that she now has a hook.  She doesn't say what it is, but I'm guessing Malibu Country?

Scene 10: Everyone in the kitchen again.  As Reba struggles to make things work, Cash talks about football (not girls?), and June announces that she has made another new friend, Charlie.  Reba starts to yell, but June reassures her: Charlie is a girl -- and she's a lesbian.  "That's ok, right?"  Reba grits her teeth.  "We got some rough sledding ahead, Mama." The end.

 I am astonished at the overt homophobia of this character, and the series in general.  Surely with two gay actors in the cast, someone said something?  Surely Reba said something.  She's got a "huge gay following,' after all.

My Grade: Chuck and Buck level.

See also: Chuck and Buck, the Most Homophobic Move Since Cruising/

Dramarama: On August 19, 1994, a Gay Kid in Escondido Didn't Come Out to His Friends

 

Hulu started Dramarama (2020) without my permission.  All I saw before it started was "It's 1984, and a group of nerds holds a party."  Presumably they start getting diced up by a Michael Myers clone.  But then I saw the first scene: a cute guy flexing in his underwear before a sexy picture of St. Sebastian.  Wait -- he's gay?  

There's also a "Game Over" poster behind him. Foreshadowing of the psycho-slashing to come?

Scene 1: The cute guy, Gene (Nick Pugliese), is interrupted by Mom, trying to convince him to go to church.  They mention the Rapture, so evangelical Protestant, and lighting candles, so Catholic.  The writers don't know which is which.   Plot dump: Rose's Going Away Party is this afternoon.

Scene 2: Establishing shots of Escondido, California, August 19, 1994.   We focus on a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus (Catholic), various snacks, and teenage Rose (I assume) vacuuming in a disheveled wedding gown -- Miss Havisham, the jilted bride from Great Expectations.  She answers the door to Alice in Wonderland.  A come-as-your-favorite-literary-character costume going-away party.  I wonder who will die first.

Next, in character: Oscar (Nico Greetham) as Sherlock Holmes,  and a vampire (Mina Harker from Dracula).  They want to know where Gene is.  "He's been acting flakey."

Cut to Gene in the car, putting on his makeup and practicing: "I have something to tell you."  The guy's coming out! But you never came out to straight friends in 1994.  They would run away screaming or ask "Are you the boy or the girl?" 

Scene 3: Gene arrives as Dr. Jekyll. Rose announces the theme: it's a favorite Victorian literary character murder mystery costume party.  Oscar wants to know why Gene has been avoiding him.  So, a boyfriend?  Alice wants to know if he's finished Franny and Zooey yet.  Salinger -- so they read 20th century lit too.

 A scream!  Rose is lying on the kitchen floor, a murder victim!  (10 to 1 she is really dead).  They have to follow literary clues to determine the murderer.  One involves Sissy Jupe from Hard Times.  Oscar and Gene wrestle, tickle, and almost kiss, while the girls look on, annoyed.  

Scene 4: Rose comes back to life to answer the door.  It's JD (Zak Henri), delivering pizzas.  Also literary -- he guesses that Rose is the mad woman in the attic, from Jane Eyre.  They invite him in. Doesn't he have work to do?  He's a bad boy, criticizing Dickens and musical theater, using bad language, raiding the parents' liquor chest.

Plus last week he went to a movie with Gene and the Vampire, without inviting the others! They bristle at this "betrayal."  College exposition: Rose will be studying acting at NYU, Alice (Claire) theater at Pepperdine, the Vampire (Ally) opera at Oberlin, Oscar film at UCLA, and Gene cartooning at a community college.  Bad boy JD dropped out.

They play a game where you describe someone with one perfect word.  JD names Gene as "clandestine": he's always hiding something.  JD obviously knows, and is inviting Gene to come out.  They're all drama club kids; they'll be fine with it.

Scene 5: JD has to get back to work.  Gene walks him out.  He invites Gene to another party later, held by his cousin Sammy, who "thinks you're cool."  How many potential boyfriends does this guy have?  This murder mystery is supposed to be a sleepover, but Gene agrees.  I'm getting the impression that there will be no psycho-slasher. 

Back at the party, Oscar gets all snippy at Gene for sneaking off to a movie with another guy.  They complain about JD being a bad boy, and try to console Gene for being stuck in Escondido while they're off to fabulous artistic careers. After all, they didn't become friends because of their artistic interests, but because they're all highly devout Christians (three Catholics and a Lutheran). This riles Gene, who isn't sure that he believes in God anymore.  Does this mean that they can't be friends?  Definitely no psycho-slasher.  

I'll stop the scene-by-scene there, since nothing else happens.  The friends have heart-to-hearts, argue, insult each other, discuss whether or not God hates gay people, pray for each other, and have more heart-to-hearts for the next hour.  All you need to know is:

1. Oscar takes his shirt off.

2. Lots of "dark secrets" are revealed.  Not really very dark.

3. Gene tries the lame "I have a friend who's gay" coming out tactic.  He doesn't go any farther, but they all sort of know anyway.

4. The erotic tension between Gene and Oscar is never resolved.

5. Gene mentions planning to go out with Sammy (JD's cousin) to see a movie about a "desert queen."  No doubt Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, about a troupe of drag queens and a trans woman on tour in the Australian Outback.  Why doesn't he just say it?

My grade:  I don't know.  I fell asleep. 

"Virgin River": The River is the Only Virgin in Town

 The #1 seies on Netflix this week is Virgin River, about a nurse named Mel who, after the death of her husband (there's always a dead spouse), wants to find a sanctuary where "there's never any trouble," like Dorothy in Oz, so she moves from L.A. to small-town northern California, somewhere near Eureka.    Wait -- did I get that backwards?  Doesn't everyone move from oppressive small towns to big-city sanctuaries?

No.Mel moves to a small town.  But it's not like a Christmas romcom: Virgin River is overbrimming with soap opera scandals, hidden agendas, abandoned babies, long-lost black-sheep relatives, and tragic diseases.   I doubt that there are any gay people, but just to be sure, I watched Episode 6, where everybody mingles at the big town dance. Meanwhile I'll keep a tally of tragedies.

Scene 1: Establishing shots of barren mountains 300 miles from the nearest gay bar.  Mel approaches Hot Guy Jack (Martin Henderson) as he is chopping wood (fully clothed). They catch up: he's doing ok in spite of the latest horrible thing that happened to him (no, he doesn't want to talk about it), and she's taking a few days off to forget the horrible thing that happened to her ("It's best to repress your feelings.")  Tragedy Count: 2

Elderly busybody Hope stops in, upset: Preacher has insanely decided to roast a pig for the upcoming Mingle.  It will never be ready in time! "I take a few days off to recuperate from the horrible thing that happened to me, and everything goes to hell in a handbasket!"  Tragedy Count: 3.

Mel and the audience don't know what Mingle is, so Hope explains: The whole town gathers at a farm for dinner and dancing. When you least expect it, the DJ shouts "Mingle!", and you have to change partners.  Attendance is mandatory: if Mel doesn't go, everyone will hate her forever.  Wow, a town full of bullies.  

Suddenly Mel's sister Joey arrives for an unexpected visit (what's with their parents, giving girls boys names?).   Mel gives her a sour look; because they hate each other, or because now she has to go to the Mingle too?  Talk about pressure!  West Hollywood was never like this!  

Scene 2:  Hot Guy Jack, Mel, and Big Sister Joey descend upon the town bar,  all wood veneer and animal heads.  The Bartender glares at them suspiciously, but Ricky the Busboy (Grayson Maxwell Gurnsey) stammers all over himself, awestricken by the sight of a glamorous big-city lady.  Jack, apparently the owner, orders the Bartender to take Big Sister Joey's luggage to her room.  He  grudgingly complies.

Mel takes Joey on a tour of the town (that will take about five minutes) so she can ask "What the hell are you doing here?  We hate each other, remember?"  

Joey: "I heard about the latest horrible thing that happened to you, and thought you might need a big sister."  

Mel: "I'm fine with repressing the memory, and what about your husband and kids?  And tomorrow is your birthday?  You should be with them!" 

Joey: "I'm not leaving until  I finish seducing Ricky the Busboy. He's over 18, isn't he?"

Scene 3: Town Doctor Doc  (Tim Matheson, photo from a couple of years ago) tells his soon-to-be-ex-wife, Town Bully Hope, that the divorce lawyer can only meet with them today, and then not for a month.

Hope: "But I'm too busy bullying people into attending the Mingle to meet with a lawyer!"

Doctor Doc: "This divorce was your idea, so you're going.  And bring your checkbook."

Hope: "But we're getting divorced because of the horrible thing you did!  You should pay.  Tragedy count: 5.

Scene 4:  The inn is full, so Big Sister Joey will have to sleep on a rollaway bed in Mel's room.  Joey: "We can share your bed, unless, of course, I sleep over with Ricky the Busboy tonight.  He has his own room in his parents' house, right?"  They discuss Joey's marital problems and the horrible thing that happened in Episode 2.  

Finally Joey reveals her real reason for coming to Virgin River: "Moving here was a mistake.  You should come home to L.A."

Mel: "I like it here.  A small town where nothing bad ever happens."  Um...

Joey: "But you're running away from the horrible thing that happened to you back home.  You have to deal with it."

Mel: "You always try to control my life!  You're not my mother (whom something horrible happened to).  I hate you!"  She storms out.  Tragedy count: 8, counting marital problems.

Scene 5: Mel goes to the diner to ask Hot Guy Jack if she should stay in Virgin River or move back to L.A. "Well, maybe you should go home. Family is everything.   On the other hand, maybe you should stay. Being independent is everything.  I hope this advice was helpful."

Scene 6: Preacher (Colin Lawrence), who is not really a preacher, and a girl named Paige are loading up pecan pies for the Mingle (I thought he was roasting a pig?).  He notes some inconsistencies in her back story, which she scrambles to smooth out, while her young son glares at her.  Then Preacher asks her to the Mingle.  Uh-oh, the dreaded date request from a loser!  "Oh...um...um... I would, but...I have to, um...wash my hair."  

When Preacher leaves, Son calls her out on her lies:  "Geez, kid, it was just an excuse to get out of a date with a creepy old dude. You'll be doing it too, when you get older.  Get used to it."

Scene 7:  Hot Guy Jack has ordered Bartender (Benjamin Hollingsworth) and Ricky the Busboy to help him clean out an old cabin.  Suddenly sultry, slinky Veronica to Mel's Betty drives up to ask whether they should eat before or after the Mingle (there will be food at the Mingle, duh!).   Apparently she has really come to smooch with Hot Guy Jack and enjoy Bartender's jealous glare.  

When Veronica leaves, Bartender grimaces: "Don't you get tired, screwing two women at the same time?"  "It wasn't at the same time," Hot Guy Jack replies, "But thanks for the idea!"  

Scene 8: The Mingle, which is held in a big barn, naturally.  Not enough people to justify 20 pecan pies.  The town is racially diverse, but I see only see boy-girl dancers except for a boy-boy-girl teenage trio.  As Town Bully Hope and the biddies gossip, soon-to-be-ex husband Doc rushes in to yell: "Why didn't you show up at the divorce lawyer's meeting?"  "I was busy!  People don't bully themselves, you know, and I had to talk Preacher into bringing pecan pies instead of a pig.  It always has to be a p-word with that guy!" 

Mel and Big Sister Joey make an entrance.  Preacher rushes over to be introduced, but Joey sees someone she likes better and scrams (rejected twice in a couple of hours!  Harsh!).  So when the slow dance begins (all boy-girl couples), it's Preacher and Mel.  They discuss the horrible thing that happened to Hot Guy Jack back in Iraq. Tragedy count: 9.

Scene 9: Time to change partners!  Still all boy-girl.  This round, Mel gets Ricky the Busboy,.  Hot Guy Jack and scary sultry Veronica arrive; she immediately vanishes, and Hot Guy Jack notices, in ashen-faced horror, that Big Sister Joey is talking to Bartender!  Why is he so upset? Did he want Joey for himself, or is Bartender a serial killer?

Time to change partners!  This round, Mel gets Town Doctor Doc, who happens to be her boss.  He's surprisingly good; he explains that he took ballroom dancing in high school in order to meet "pretty girls."  Yuck!  

Scene 10: Time to change partners!  Mel sits this one out so she can call home and get some intel on Big Sister Joey.  Preacher gazes in jaw-dropping "Girl of His Dreams" awe at Paige.  She already shot him down for a date, but surely she'll accept a dance!You choose partners; it's not random, and they can refuse.  How is this different from a regular dance?  

Meanwhile, Town Bully Hope sees her soon-to-be-ex husband Doc dancing with Big Sister Joey!  Her mouth contorts into a beautfully over-acted snarl 

Sultry Girlfriend Veronica returns from 45 minutes in the ladies' room and latches onto Hot Guy Jack, who looks horrified.  He exchanges glances with Bartender, across the room.  Obviously Jack hates his girlfriend, but is afraid to dump her, or she'll tear off his head and eat his insides.

Scene 11: Time to change partners, and this time the DJ announces:  "no wallflowers!  Everybody has to get out onto the dance floor in boy-girl couples, or everyone in town will hate them forever!"  It's an empty threat -- plenty of people remain on the sidelines and at the little tables.

This time Big Sister Joey is dancing with Bartender (finally named: Brady).  Mel wants to leave, but she's not ready: "I'm sure Brady will offer me a ride home.  To one of our homes, anyway.  Ciao!"

Scene 12: Time to change partners!  This time we hear about Doc's problems, and Preacher finally gets the nerve to ask Paige to dance (have you ever seen a 40-year old so shy about romantic gestures?)  

But halfway through the dance, Paige sees Wes (Michael Shanks) come in: "Oh my God, what is he doing here?"  She grabs her son and rushes out.  She passes two women dancing together.  Heterosexual women do that sometimes, but they look like they are into each other, so maybe it's a blink-and-you-miss-it background lesbian couple.  

Time to switch partners!  Hot Guy Jack gets an elderly lady,  who thanks him for mentoring Ricky the Busboy, her grandson.  They discuss the horrible thing that happened to him. Tragedy count: 10. 

Scene 13: Time to switch partners!  I feel like I've been scanning this room for same-sex couples on the dance floor or at the little tables for hours.  Hot Guy Jack gets his girlfriend back.  After they discuss the horrible thing that happpened to the elderly lady in Scene 12 (Tragedy count: 11),  Jack decides to dump Veronica on the spot.  "It's like, we were just having some fun, and now you're trying to make it all real.  I'm not into a relationship!"   "But we've been together for two years!"  Sob, sob, drama, run out.

Jack immediately moves on to Betty...um, I mean Mel, who is all depressed over her big sister's marital problems.  Out of the 11 horrible things mentioned in this episode, you're upset over that one?  "Well, let's hook up.  That will take your mind off it.  I have a really big penis, remember?" 

The DJ yells out another "no wallflowers" number, so Mel and Jack hit the dance floor.  He sees Big Sister Joey giggling with Bartender, and roils with jealousy.  Which are you jealous of, dude?  Do you have a thing for Bartender? Or is that sour look your only facial expression?

They rush over to break up the couple.  Jack: "I order you to not have sex with Joey.  She's married."  Bartender: "I'm off duty.  You can't tell me who to have sex with, like you do at the bar.  I'm not your boy toy!"  Jack punches him; he falls to the ground.  Mel grabs Joey and ushers her out.  The end.

Beefcake: No.  Some cute guys.

Gay characters: Are you kidding?

Gay subtexts: Doubful.

Tragedy:  About every tragedy trope from a year's worth of soap operas.  I read ahead in the episode synopsis: everybody has a ridiculous number of horrible things happen to them. Even Ricky the Busboy.

My Grade: A.  This show is unintentionally hilarious.  I just wish I had Joel and the Bots from MST3K to riff with.

Did PJ Make it to West Point, and Other Beefcake-Heavy Questions

This wrestler reminds me of Infinite Chazz, our boy toy in West Hollywood, called "infinite" because he was infinitely attractive to everyone who saw him.  He could get anything he wanted -- an extra dessert from the lunch lady at school, a back stage pass at a concert, sex -- just by flashing his smile.  It was like a superpower.

Infinite Chazz #2 is actually PJ from "Cardinal Newman High School," All-Empire Wrestler of the year, 2014.

According to the article, he's a three-time All American who boxes in his spare time, he wants to be an engineer, and he plans to go to West Point  (and no, this move is not illegal).

Two questions:

1. Where is this All-Empire?

2. Did he make it to West Point?

1. Where is this All-Empire?

There are two Cardinal Newman High Schools in the U.S., in West Palm Beach and Santa Rosa.

Cardinal Newman, West Palm Beach, founded in 1961, has 500 students. Its colors are blue and gold, and its mascot is a Crusader.  Its newspaper is called the Illuminated Manuscript (cleverly Medieval).

This is Blythewood (in bright blue) beating Cardinal Newman (light blue).

Cardinal Newman, Santa Rosa, founded in 1914, has 600 students. Its colors are Cardinal red (naturally) and gold.

I don't know why this photo came up when I searched for "Cardinal Newman High School" "Santa Rosa" "wrestling," but I couldn't resist the title:

"Yip Yip Hooray for Jordan Yip," who placed at the Shah Alam Aquatic Centre in Malaysia.   according to the MSSM Akutiaq blog.

Malaysia is a bit far from Santa Rosa, and none of the words are in the article.

Ok, here's a real Cardinal Newman Santa Rosa wrestler.  Notice the red logo?  Similar to PJ's, but not identical. 

Someone named PJ, with his last name (not very common), also attended the Blair Academy in New Jersey.

But someone named Michael, with the same last name, graduated from the Cardinal Newman in Santa Rosa in 2015 (shown here hanging out with several shirtless guys).

He was also a wrestler, no doubt a younger brother.

So I'm going with PJ graduating from the Cardinal Newman Santa Rosa.

And All-Empire means Sonoma, Mendocino, and Lake Counties, California.

2. Did he make it to West Point?

I don't see any PJ on the rosters of West Point wrestling teams.

But I found a Paul with the same last name wrestling at Sacred Heart University in Fairfield, Connecticut, a senior in 2017-2018.

Success!  He was a graduate of Cardinal Newman in Santa Rosa, then attended West Point and Holyoke Community College, near Springfield, Massachusetts.

I'm guessing a year at West Point, then a year at Holyoke, and on to Sacred Heart, where he changed from engineering to criminal justice.

The bodybuilding film Stay Hungry was partially filmed at the Gold's Gym in Holyoke.

A long strange trip from Santa Rosa to Holyoke, with a lot of byways and dead ends in between.  But look at all of the beefcake I found on the way!

See also: In Search of the Headless Wrestler.