"Hell of a Summer": Six gay, bi, and "not into labels" guys work together to prove that gay people don't exist. And there's a psycho-slasher.

Link to the n*de dudes

I haven't reviewed many movies lately because I've been burned several times.  

There are promos of two men gazing longingly at each other, but it turns out that they are about to fight, not kiss.  

There are trailers with guys buddy-bonding and no girls, but when you click "play," you get five minutes of a man and woman in the bedroom.  

There are movies starring 35 gay male actors, and every single one of them is playing a straight guy.  

For example, the summer camp psych-slasher movie Hell of a Summer (2023) just dropped on Hulu with an icon featuring three obviously gay guys staring at a bloody axe.  

When I checked the cast list, I discovered that five of the top seven male cast members are gay or bi in real life.  

Obviously this will be a movie about a group of gay guys fighting a psycho-slasher.

Time to check the trailer.

Scene 1: Jason loves Camp Pineaway so much that he returns year after year.  Now age 24, he gives a "welcome" speech to the new counselors, with the rules: no smoking, no drinking, no cell phones.

Jason is played by Fred Hechinger (top photo and icon left), who is heterosexual but played the "I'm gay but the skittish producers won't let me say so" Emperor Caracalla in Gladiator II.

Scene 2:  The campers haven't arrived yet, so the counselors party.  I don't notice any boy-girl coupling. The extremely femme Chris arrives with his boyfriend Bobby, and yells "Hey, Girl!" at a girl named Shannon.

Chris is played by Finn Wolfhard (icon right), who is "bisexual." Usually this means attracted to men and women, but apparently Finn means attracted exclusively to men but not wanting to say "gay," just in case he may be attracted to a woman in the distant future.

Boyfriend Bobby is played by Finn's real-life boyfriend Billy Bryk (left and icon center).  He is "not into labels," meaning "gay, but afraid to admit it because then people might think he was gay or something."

Finn and Billy are also the writers and directors.  This is their project.

Scene 3: Later, femme Chris kisses Shannon?  WTF?

And brags to boyfriend Bobby that he did stuff with her   Why isn't the boyfriend upset?  Are you a feminine-presenting heterosexual with a gay bestie, Girlfriend?  That's a big gay tease.

I have Hechinger's backside and two n*de dudes to tide you over on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.  This is going to get rocky.

More after the break

Scene 4: The psycho-slasher starts butchering people.  Head counselor Jason notices, but no one believes him.  Hands fluttering, femme Ari complains that they stole his murder-mystery party idea.  Later, he is sliced.

Femme Ari is played by Daniel Gravelle, seen here groping his boyfriend at a bookstore.

Scene 5: More people die.  They use a ouija board to discover the killer's identity: Head Counselor Jason! Obviously a 24-year old who still works as a camp counselor is up to no good.

Scene 6: They subdue him and tie him up, but the murders continue.

Next gay-coded club kid Ezra bites it. Wait, they're all gay-coded.

Ezra is played by "any excuse to wear sequins (or dresses)" Matthew Finlan, who seeks out gay ghosts in the reality series Ghosting.

Scene 7: We discover that the owners of the camp, John and his wife Kathy, were the first to get slashed.

John is played by Adam Palley, who has made a career of playing "unconventional" gay guys.   Um...playing a heterosexual husband is certainly unconventional, Buddy.

Scene 8: A montage of deaths, fighting back, and numerous "this is the best movie of all time!" accolades in gigantic green letters.

There's another n*de dude on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.  I need to see some d*cks after this debacle, and I just conducted the research.  

Wikipedia gives more details, including the identity of the killer (a counselor not pictured above), and the survivors: femme Chris and his girlfriend, head counselor Jason and his girlfriend, and "boyfriend" Bobby.  The movie ends with the two heterosexual couples kissing.

Two evocations of heteronormativity.  Not just one, two!  I've never seen such aggressive queerbaiting: "Ha, ha, gay people don't exist!  Every man on earth wants a girlfriend!"

Why would a gay couple do something like this? Oh, right, they "aren't into labels."

And Finn's Stranger Things co-star Gaten Matarazzo is straight.  They are just pretending to be a gay couple to mess with fans, har har.

See also: Gladiator II: Not as homophobic as you think, and there are musclemen

"Superman" (2025): You'll believe a man can queerbait

"It's a Wonderful Knife": A "Wonderful Life" psycho-slasher homage with six queer characters and Depner d*cks

The Top 10 Hunks of "Stranger Things," Season 3, Plus Some of the Plot