Dec 11, 2020

Groupers: Two Straight Guys Have to Choose to Be Gay in Sixty Minutes or Less

 


Amazon Prime is recommending the "gay film" Groupers (2019)

It starts with a definition: Grouper: Someone who changes their gender or sexual orientation later in life.

You can't change your sexual orientation.  It's permanent.  I already have a bad feeling about this movie.

Scene 1: A run-down bar full of sleazoid types.  Looks like all guys, so it must be a gay bar.  Nope-- there's one woman.  Two drunk boys, Brad and Dylan, are making unwelcome advances at her.  They follow her out to her van.  She pushes them inside and speeds off.

No beefcake shots of the actors, who have very few previous credits.  This is a random hunk.

When they arrive at their destination, Meg gasses them.

You dope, they're already drugged.  What more do you want?

Scene 2:  Meg gets up the next morning and goes out to an empty swimming pool, where the guys are tied up facing each other.  She explains: they spend a couple of years torturing a gay kid named Orrin, and he finally attempted suicide.  She asks "Do you think you choose to be gay?"  They answer "Of course."  Everybody starts out straight, but some people decide to change.  Why would you choose a pathway that's going to get you screamed at from pulpits, lobbied against in Congress, that will make your parents disown you and keep you from getting a good job, if you're not beat up or murdered?  


She's going to test their belief.  Their cocks are connected; they have to both get aroused at the same time, while looking at each other, to demonstrate that they have chosen to become gay. 

Flawed experiment -- you can get aroused for lots of reasons, especially when you are a teenager.  And if they do get aroused by each other, it doesn't mean that they decided to be gay.  They've always been gay or bi; they just suppressed it.

Dylan gets aroused immediately; he explains that it always happens when he's scared.  Brad freaks out: "Your dick is touching my dick!  Are you a fag?"

Megan says: "You have an hour to choose to be attracted to each other."  If they don't, she will release some sexy photos she took of them while they were unconscious.

Ok, I've had enough of this spittle.  It was written by Anderson Cowan, a radio engineer at a tv station in California who has made some short films, like Everybody Dies.  His qualifications: he has...um...gay friends.  

I got black friends, but I would never dream of  writing and directing a movie about African-Americans experiencing institutional racism.  I would never get it right, and why am I qualified?  White privilege?   Hear that, straight guy with gay friends?  

5 comments:

  1. Amazon Prime is very loose with their definition of what is "gay" film- last night I watched "Off Shore" (2011) about Andi (André Würde), a gay young German, travels to the Canary Islands to look for his father, and he makes a connection with a good-looking surfer. The guys are cute but the gay angle is just tease we see the two guys wrestling on the sand. For a European film there is almost no nudity and there is a revelation which cancels the romantic angle. The film has an annoying non stop song soundtrack.

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  2. Maybe it's easier for straight guys to choose to be gay?

    Or maybe more straight guys have repressed desires for men? Gay men also shun bisexuals, of course, but in such a situation, you tend to assimilate to the more privileged group, which is of course straight men.

    And modern sexual ideology is really dumb. Statistically, there are four possible basic distributions:

    1. Equal number of gay and straight men, both of whom are in the minority (modal distribution)

    2. More straight men than gay men, both are in the minority (skewed distribution)

    3. More straight men than bi men, more bi men than gay men (progressive distribution)

    4. More straight men and gay men than bi men (bimodal distribution)

    The last one is the rarest, yet everyone says men are distributed along its most extreme form, with "no bisexual men" being a common refrain.

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  3. I wonder who list these gay films on Amazon even looks at them

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  4. This may the worst and most stupid movie I have ever seen-the set up is like some bad Off off Broadway play and it just worse specially the third act when some gang members show up in the third act.

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  5. I really hated this movie- the girl is annoying and it's funny how the film is suppose to be anti-homophobia but ends up exploiting it

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