Dec 10, 2025

The Brothers Ferox: A bodybuilder, a swimmer, and the Joker's nemesis walk into a gladiator arena. With bonus n*de short guys

  


Link to the n*de dudes

In Episode 1.1 of Spartacus: House of Ashur, a dwarf gladiator team called Brothers Ferox (shouldn't that be Frates Ferox?)  fight Ashur's champion Logus  (Joe Davidson, right).  He yells "My c*ck stands larger threats!",  thinking that they'll be easy to defeat, but they best him, and further humiliate the House by urinating on his corpse.

We see them briefly in Episode 1.2.  The gladiator Achillea is assigned to fight them, but after she fends off an attempted rape by Creticus (Stephen Madsen) -- and slices off his private parts -- she has to fight Korris first, and is killed in the arena.  

The brothers appear in every future episode; hopefully we will see more of their fighting, and some of their lives outside of the arena. 


I'll profile each of the actors separately: Daniel Bos (center) as Balbus, Leigh Gill (right) as Satyrus, and Mikey Thompson (left) as Musicus. 



Daniel Bos, from Perth, Western Australia, has been competing in the Paralympics since he was 12 years old. In 2025 he beat two Oceanic records at the World Para-Powerlifting Championship in Egypt.













He is also a competitive bodybuilder, seen here with his competition-tan.

Spartacus: House of Ashur is Daniel's first acting gig, but he calls it "the best thing I've ever done," and is anxious for more.










The heavily inked Leigh Gill, sharing a hot tub with an equally inked buddy or boyfriend, has 27 acting credits listed on the IMDB.  He is best known as the hetero-horny actor Bobono in Game of Thrones (2018) and Gary Puddles, a clown traumatized by his gay-subtext friend's murder, in two Joker movies (2019, 2021).

N*de photo of the buddy or boyfriend on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break

Dec 9, 2025

Recker Eans: The Orc turned gay boy on "Wizards Beyond Waverly Place" drums in gay-friendly videos, hosts a talk show, joins a boy band


Link to the n*de photos


In Season 2 of Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (2025),  the Dark Lord Morsus enlists one of his Orcs (Adam Nemet) to enter the human world, befriend Billie, the Chosen One, and when her defenses are down, bring her and her family to the dark realm.  





He appears as Quentin (Recker Eans), a middle school bad boy, makes contact, and grows to genuinely like her and her guardian, the wizard Justin (David Henrie).  At the school dance, accidentally reveals his true identity, but promises not to hurt Billie or her family. 

In the Season 2 finale cliffhanger, Billie's brother Roman (Alkaio Thiele) sees Quentin in his true form and, not realizing that he is an ally, banishes him to the Nowhere Zone, "a dark, cold realm of dangerous beasts."  They'll have to mount a daring rescue in Season 3. 



Although Billie has a crush on Quentin, it is unlikely that he has romantic feelings toward her, a being of another species who is 1/1000ths his age.  Actually, Quentin seems much more invested in establishing a friendship with Justin.  

Actor Recker Eans was certainly pinging my gaydar. Here he is tied up and terrified as actress  Janice LeeAnn Brown tries to lick him.  Just say no, buddy.

 






I started researching Recker, figuring that he would start with the usual community theater and commercial gigs, followed by a series of short films with odd subjects and guest spots on teencoms.  Not at all.

Recker was born in Gilbert Arizona on August 3, 2010, making him 15 as of this writing and 14 when he played Quentin.  

He got a drum set for his fifth birthday, and started taking lessons at the School of Rock (a real music school a few blocks from his house).  By the age of seven, he was featured in a drumming documentary, and interviewed in Gilbert Lifestyle.  

He started his own band, the Twits, and soon they were performing throughout the Phoenix area. Eventually they opened for Devo in Las  Vegas.  Plus he starred in three episodes of  a BBC science program, The Human Body: Secrets of Your Life Revealed; and an ad campaign for Gap Kids.




At the age of nine, Recker was featured as one of The Great 48, "The 48 most influential people living in the Valley Today," for Phoenix Magazine.

By age ten, he was drumming for Neffex, Volbeat and Signals.

I watched a couple of the music videos.

Neffex, "The Worst in Me" (2020)

Just yesterday I was making you laugh
How did things get so bad?
How do I make you so mad?
I look at you and I miss what I've seen
A smile so bright with your eyes so green
And I'll wait for the day it comes back to me

No girl-pronouns!  The lyrics could be addressing anyone. Plus, as the two guys (Bryce Savage, above, Cameron Wales) sing on an open truck bed, they attract the attention of an elderly woman, a young woman fixing a car, two bodybuilders, a girl on a bike, a skateboarder, and Recker getting a tattoo. 


Signals, "Disastermind" (2020):

The boy (Recker) tries to get the attention of his parents, but is ignored.  He makes a mess, and gets in trouble.  Finally, he makes a pair of angel wings and a sword, and runs down the street, while Michael "Jag" Jagmin and Jonathan Kintz sing:

Locked away in a tower above the sky
When I wake, am I still nothing?
Hate me, break me
When I wake, am I still nothing?
It's easy to flee when you feel like you're meant to be
On the other side

Gay boys growing up amid the constant  "what girl do you like?" interrogation can relate.

Of course, Recker had no control over the lyrics, but it is interesting that he gravitates toward gay-friendly or at least non-heteronormative work. 

More after the break.  

"Christmas on Cherry Lane": A gay couple starts a family, and there's a plot twist you won't see coming

  


Link to the n*de photos

Christmas on Cherry Lane (2023) stars Vincent Rodriguez III, the muscular, bulging actor who specializes in family-friendly gay guys.  I figured I would watch in the background while doing other things on my laptop, but no, it requires you to pay attention.  There's a major plot twist.  I'm giving only the character names, not the actors' names.

There are three families on Cherry Lane on Christmas Eve


Family 1:
 John and Lizzie, who is due in two weeks,  just moved into the house, and are planning a quiet Christmas alone. They put up the tree and sing "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful," with a Hallmark Tree Trimmer ornament.  This will become important later.

Suddenly Lizzie's Mom and Dad arrive, and announce that they invited her brother and his family, too!  But John and Lizzie haven't even unpacked. Where will they put all those people?  

Dad Frank's d*ck is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends


Family 2
: Regina and her friend Daisy, not shown, unpack Christmas decorations.  Her back story: she's a widow with adult children, and a boyfriend named Nelson.    

The adult kids, Winnie and Conrad, arrive in a horrible car.  Why does he keep it, now that he's making a ton of money?  Because his Uncle Ham gave it to him after Dad died. This will be important later.  

Sister Winnie doesn't have a job, except singing at open-mike nights for tips, but she'll be a famous singer one day, she says.  Mom wants her to try business school.

Mom announces that she's getting married to her Boyfriend, and she's selling the house and moving to Florida.  The adult children do not like this at all, and plot to break them up.


Family #3:
 Zian, left, and Mike, who works as a chef at a restaurant called Repair. They just moved into their house, too, and they're planning a Christmas Eve party tonight with twelve people.  Except contractor Quinn and his crew haven't finished remodeling the kitchen yet.  He brings them a plate of Christmas cookies, complements them on what a cute couple they are, and asks if "that famous singer" is coming to the party.  This will be important later.

Mike is freaking out.  Maybe they could move the party to the restaurant?  No, this is the first Christmas in their new house, where they're going to raise their family, so it's important to hold it here.  They walk outside and sit on lawn chairs in the cold and sing "Silent Night."  All of it.

Speaking of starting a family, the lady from the adoption agency tells them that the foster family they were placing a girl with backed out, so they're getting a child tonight -- on Christmas Eve.  With twelve people coming for a party.  Hopefully a family-friendly party.  How are they going to get a bedroom ready?

More plot complications after the break.  Spoiler alert: it's a big plot twist.

Dec 8, 2025

Spartacus: From Tony Curtis cruising Olivier to "House of Ashur," with gladiators, gay guys, gore, and a lot of p* enises

 


Link to the n*de photos


Spartacus (103-71 BCE) was a Thracian slave who escaped from a gladiator school with 70 of his followers and started the Third Servile War: 120,000 enslaved persons rebelling against the oppressive Roman Republic. 

In 1951, Howard Fast self-published Spartacus, a novel about the slave revolt, as a protest against his incarceration during the McCarthy Era witch hunts.  



The 1960 movie version starred Kirk Douglas as Spartacus.  It famously includes a scene, cut from the theatrical release but restored in 1991, where the power-hungry  senator Crassus and his slave Antonius (Sir Laurence Olivier, Tony Curtis) discuss being gay, in severely closeted terms, as the eating of oysters vs. the eating of snails: "It is all a matter of taste, is it not?" 




The 2004 movie (aired during two nights on the USA network) starred Goran Višnjić as Spartacus, and upped the participation of his wife, transforming the story into a heterosexual romance.











Spartacus tv series, with seasons given different names (Blood and Sand, Gods of the Arena, and War of the Damned), aired on Starz between 2010 and 2013.  It starred Andy Whitfield (left), and after his death Liam McIntyre.  A lot of n*de guys, such as Mike Edwards (top photo), James Wells (left), and Manu Bennett as Crixus (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Plus there were several gay characters, including Spartacus' best friend Agron.




Assyrian slave Ashur (Nick E. Tarabay) becomes one of the series' primary antagonists when he collaborates with the Romans in their attempt to bring down the slave rebellion.  Eventually beheaded.  Shouldn't that be Asher, one of the Twelve Tribes of Israel?

The most recent Spartacus series, Spartacus: House of Asher (2025), is a sort of sequel which posits that Ashur killed Spartacus, returned to life, and now runs a gladiator school.

From a civil war to a school?  Trying to minimize political references that could get you in trouble in the fascist state?

Ashur beefcake after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.6: Yep, they have s*x. Plus Judy grows a heart, Torsten a brain, and Amber the noive

 


Link to the NSFW version.


Episode 2.6 has that controversial scene that fans are still arguing about, three seconds that have been analyzed backward and forward, frame by frame. Are they doing it or getting dressed?  But really, it's so obvious that it could become an adult videowith only a few minor changes in the actors' dirctions. It's so obvious that I can't even put a screen shot at the top photo without getting a "sensitive" tag.   But first we have some unfinished business to attend to.


The Cycle Ninjas: 
 We begin immediately after the Cycle Ninja attack in Episode 2.4.  Jesse and Amber grab guns and fire on them as they zoom off, grazing one.  He falls off  his motorcycle, but jumps onto his colleague's and gives them the finger.

The family, except for Kelvin, gather in Eli's drawing room to discuss the incident with the sheriff.  Judy thinks that it was a case of road rage.  Sheriff Brenda thinks that it was a botched robbery by some teenagers: professional assassins would have finished the job.  Eli is sure that Junior sent the Cycle Ninjas to kill him.  Other family members are at risk too, so he puts the compound on lockdown.

Judy complains about being stuck at home, with Tiffany living there after Baby Billy abandoned her. "She cleans everything with vinegar."  Not the time, girl.  Eli agrees: "Are you incapable of thinking of anyone but yourself?"

Out on the porch, Eli asks if Jesse has been to see Kelvin: "No. we ain't friends.  He grew up to be a nerd." 




The Second Dressing Room Scene

We cut to a full body front-and-rear shot of Kelvin, as he stands in front of the mirror in his dressing room. "Look at me," he tells Keefe, "A grotesque reflection of what I once was." Dude, you're not going to get any sympathy with that incredible body on display.

 He is distraught over the fight with his father and the loss of the God Squad; he has been de-manned by the symbolic castration. Why should he get dressed?  "I shall remain hidden, like the beast I've become."

 Keefe advises that dressing for the day "soothes the soul," and drops to his knees.  Kelvin pushes his head forward and down to begin oral actiivty.  We see and (and hear) his climax and conclusion.  Keefe swallows and says "nice." 

The scene lasts only a few seconds, and thus is easy to miss (I missed it the first time).  And it is immersed in the act of getting dressed.  Viewers are expected to be unsure whether they did it or not, thus continuing the "are they or aren't they?" speculation. 

But the "they didn't do it" theory makes no sense: 

While stepping into his Tommy Johns, Kelvin steadies himself by pushing on Keefe's head. You steady yourself on your friend's shoulders, not on his head.

Using his hands to push is painful.  Elsewhere he is shown using the palms and base of his hands without pain.  

Keefe says "nice" because...um... Go on? 

Structurally, it is a logical conclusion of the first dressing room scene.  Keefe rejects Kelvin's invitation, and then initiates it.

It makes sense for Kelvin's character. He that his injury has rendered him impotent in a society dedicated to the phallus, grotesque in a society that prizes male beauty.   What better way to demonstrate that he is still potent, still beautiful? 

It makes sense for Keefe's character.  You've just gotten a good look at the amazingly hot backside of the Man of Your Dreams, and now you are kneeling with your face three inches from his amazingly hot c*ck --aroused by your proximity.  What guy could resist going down?

Afterwards, Keefe helps Kelvin get dressed, boops his nose, and puckers up for a kiss.  Kelvin moves in, then changes his mind and abruptly turns aside.  He still resists the idea of romantic love, but he is gradually coming around.

Down in the yard, the God Squad is running a motorcycle over the tennis court and otherwise wilding.  They've even moved into the house.  Kelvin is horrified: "Our empire is crumbling."  Notice that it's now "our" empire; they are equal partners.  Keefe encourages him to prove that he is still strong, physically and mentally: "Your will is not broken, even though your thumbs are."


Judy Grows a Heart: 
 Judy is signing fan photos with a d*ck and "stay horny,"  while Tiffany calls the area hospitals to see if Baby Billy was  admitted.  Judy scoffs: "He abandoned you."  But Tiffany can't believe it.  Maybe he's still looking for Funyons, and will return with the car loaded-down with them. Maybe he had a stroke, and doesn't remember who he is.  What if he's dead?  

Tiffany starts to cry,  and Judy starts to feel compassion, "thinking of someone other than herself" for maybe the first time in her life. This reminds me of the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz: "If I only had a heart."

Amber Grows Courageous.  Next the Cowardly Lion: "If I only had the noive." At the marital support group, Amber brags about how she chased off the Cycle Ninjas and shot one from 50 yards away.  The women cheer.  Jesse, feeling threatened, argues that they were both shooting, and it's unclear who actually "grazed " the Ninja,  The women aren't having it.  Amber luxuriates in the cheers, feeling for the first time that she's her own person, not just an extension of her partner. 

 Later, Jesse's crew tries to console him for being de-manned by his wife. They suggest some buddy-bonding over craft beers, but he refuses.  He's too upset about "the whole church sucking my wife's dick." Another call-back to Kelvin's blow job.

Holding hands in front of the God Squad: In the gym, Kelvin addresses the God Squad's concerns that his broken thumbs make him an inappropriate leader.  He proves his strength by offering them  "Strawberry Shortcake Bahama Bro Smoothies."  and suggests that they join hands to pray about it. 

Keefe reaches over to take Kelvin's hand, but look at his procedure.  He moves in to position near Kelvin's elbow, brings both of their arms together, and moves down.  He is, in effect, caressing Kelvin's arm, a more romantic gesture than a platonic hand-holding. Kelvin pushes him away: "I didn't mean me."  Because touching his broken thumb is painful, or because holding hands is painful?

The God Squad wonders how he can lead them on missions when he can't even lift a smoothie.  He tries, but spills it all over!  The guys laugh and make rude gestures. Keefe tries to comfort him with a hug, but Kelvin brushes him away.

Finally, Torsten -- the scarecrow, "if I only had a brain" -- figures out that he, and other God Squad members, are twice the size of Kelvin.  He should be leader: "Kelvin, I challenge you!"

"But Torsten, you're my gentle giant," Kelvin protests.  Another favorite?  Have they been in the steam showers together? 

They all rush out for the cross-bearing challenge. 

More after the break

Elias Harger: the "Fuller House" femme boy, victim of ghosts and maniacal mothers, grows up to date a Jewish champion. With Hagenbuch and twink d*cks

 

Link to the n*de photos


I never watched Full House (1987-95), the TGIF warmedy about three dads raising three girls in a gay-free San Francisco: it was on Friday nights, when I had other things to do, and besides, it sounded awful.  Although John Stamos as Uncle Jesse was quite a hunk.

(In those days, you knew about all of the popular tv shows, even if you had never seen them).

And I never watched the sequel Fuller House (2016-2020), about the grown-up girls sharing a house: it sounded awful, and besides, Candace Cameron Bure (focus character DJ Tanner) made it very clear that she didn't like gay people and would not permit them on her show.  Presumably she meant gay characters, or did she check all 100-plus members of the cast and crew for rainbow flags?

Apparently the homophobia didn't stop with Candace.  According to a review, Fuller House was a "thoroughly offensive mess," with "gays are hilarious" jokes every episode: "we're expected to laugh at the mere suggestion that a character might be experiencing same-s*x attraction." 


Then why, according to the fan wiki, was DJ's son Max Fuller a "closeted gay boy?"

Max was played by Elias Harger, shown here with  his tv brother Michael Campion.

 Surely Candace would never permit a gay boy on the show, especially as DJ's son.

Time to check Max's character arc. 

In Seasons 1-2,  he is a femme boy with a gay-subtext relationship with his friend Taylor (Lucas Jaye) and occasional references to same-s*x interest, such as a crush on Blake Sheldon.  

Then in the Season 2 Christmas episode, he meets the Girl of His Dreams, Rose.  Taylor becomes his competitor for her attention.  

Max and Rose pursue an on-off romance through Season 6.

So, did the writers actually plan for Max to be gay, then change their minds when Candace yelled at them, or was it just a matter of "isn't same-sex desire hilarious?"




We can get a clue by checking to see if Elias Harger is gay in real life.  

According to his IMDB biography, Elias grew up in Denver and Atlanta, where he participated in community theater from the age of five, starring in Shrek: the Musical and A Christmas Carol (no, he didn't play Scrooge).

He moved on screen in 2014, playing Peter Pan, a boy who remembers his past lives (The Ghost Inside My Child), and a mysterious boy kidnapped by a serial killer (Popsy)

In 2015, a boy haunted by the ghost of his evil grandmother (Granny).

In 2016, he was cast as Max in Fuller House, but he also found time for more dark, disturbing movies to counteract the homophobic family-friendly smarm.


In 2017, Elias played a boy who disapproves of the new baby in the family.  If they're going to bring in new kids, he'll bring in a new mother (The Arrival).  

In 2018, the son of a female funeral director with a dark secret -- she likes her men like she likes her popsicles -- cold and hard (Dead Love).

His only post-Fuller role is in the animated Felix and the Hidden Treasure (2021).  Felix (Elias, Daniel Brochu) and his talking cat go off in search of his missing father, and run afoul of baddies dressed as superheroes. 

As of this writing, Elias is attending Georgia State University in Atlanta, majoring in music, hoping to become a concert pianist, or else a pianist on a cruise ship.



So no specifically gay roles, but there aren't a lot of gay roles for kids.  What about gay in real life?  First, check out Adam Hagenbuch, who played Uncle Jimmy (d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).


Dec 7, 2025

Lucas Blas: Spanish teen idol with at least three gay/trans roles and a lot of boyfriends. Bonus n*de Spanish dudes



Link to the n*de photos.

Spanish actor Luca de Blas or Lucas Blas appeared on the teen idol website with the usual teenage beefcake and bicep photos.



Quite a lot of beefcake and bicep photos.

But when I started looking at his works, I found something else.





I found a boy wearing a crown of flowers.

Everyone else in the village wears sacks over their heads, but Lucas is not afraid to show his true face to the world.  Even when he is in prison, he weaves himself a crown of flowers.

The villagers grab him and take him to a church to be sacrificed.  He begins to bleed.  The singer, gay musician Dulzano, jumps in, but it is too late; Luca dies in his arms.

It is the music video Jota de la Luna (2025), with lyrics that recall gay poet Garcia Lorca, giving us a poignant view of homophobia and the need to be who you are. 


We must bring flower to flower/ when summer dries the blood of the Reaper
And open our hearts to sleepless birds
When winter knocks trembling at the door
When night falls I will say it
When the clear night arrives






I found an episode of Bosé, a biography of the famous gay (or "trisexual") singer Miguel Bosé (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  Lucas plays  the young gay singer Carlos Berlanga, whose "¿A quién le importa?", released in 1986, became a gay anthem during the AIDS pandemic.

Who cares what I do?
Who cares what I say?
I am this way, and this way I'll stay
Nothing can change me.

I found Lucas wearing makeup, approaching his mother, arguing with her, trying to hug her. Later he grows his hair long and puts on a dress, suggesting trans identity, or maybe a femme gay boy.  It was Ali (2021), a short film that won four prizes and seven nominations: "A desperate cry of child abandoned by his mother, who cannot give him love": 

More after the break

Dec 6, 2025

15 gay facts about "White Christmas": gay actors, beefcake dancers, drag, Spartacus, and the source of your holiday depression




I'm not a big fan of the Holiday Season -- too big, bright, and noisy, with forced exuberance, and way too much melancholy.  I try to stay away from Christmas songs, movies, trees, holly, mistletoe, parties, and depression.  But I'll make an exception for White Christmas (1954).

1. It's not a Christmas movie.  It's a backstage musical that just happens to end at Christmastime.  Backstage movies were well-known for gay subtexts.







2. The song "White Christmas," by Irving Berlin (who was Jewish), first appeared in the backstage musical Holiday Inn, with Big Crosby and Fred Astaire. 

3. It's been covered by everyone, including gay favorites Bett Midler and Lady Gaga.

















4. White Christmas is about two showbiz partners, Bob and Phil (Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye), who find their relationship threatened by women.














5. A musical based on the movie, Irving Berlin's White Christmas, opened in St. Louis in 2000. Lara Teeter (a guy with a girl's name) played Bob, and gay actor Lee Roy Reams played Phil Davis.

6. Phil has also been performed by Tony Yazbeck (top photo) and David Elder, who Google Images thinks is cowboy star Clint Walker (left).
















7. The women in the movie, Judy and Betty (Vera-Ellen, Rosemary Clooney), are sisters.  At least, they perform as sisters, although their numbers would work well in a drag act.

God help the mister who comes between me and my sister
And God help the sister who comes between me and my man!


More after the break

12 n*de dudes from the Isle of Man. Plus bondage, boggarts, fun runs, and a gay god


Link to the n*de dudes


The Isle of Man, between Ireland and Britain, is  named after Manawyddan, the God of the Sea and one of the queer icons of my childhood.  But Manx word for man is mannin, so there could be some connection to the masculine, too.

12 Manx men, just pecs and abs here, d*cks on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends:


1. The Manx word for p*nis  is cronny, but that sounds silly to non-Celtic ears, so I'm going to use the Welsh word, calar










Like several other Celtic languages, Manx became extinct as a result of English dominance (and discrimination: it was portrayed as a barbaric "garbage" tongue).  But it's currently enjoying a revival.   There are prizes for the best Manx essay, schools offer elementary instruction in Manx, and 3-6% of the population uses it for everyday conversations.

2. A Manx speaker.

3. A rather thin Manx twink, but I'm including him because of his tree trunk.




The Isle of Man is known for its archaeological sites: the biggest neolithic tomb in the British Isles, early Christian monasteries, the Viking-era Peel Castle.



And for its paranormal activity: trolls, goblins, boggarts, banshees, and tusk-men roam the downs.  There are mysterious disappearances, time-jumps, alien abductions, haunted castles, and lots of neopagans finding meaning in the paranormal energy.

More after the break

Dec 5, 2025

"Son of a Thousand Men": Magic realism from Brazil with fragmented time and space, but there are gay guys and d*cks


Son of a Thousand Men
 (2025) popped up on the n*de celebrity website with a hung trifecta, playing N*de Men #1, #2, and #3, with Antonino. 

Link to the n*de dudes

But what is it about?  

Different reviews give us completely different plots:

1. "A lonely fisherman longing for a son is drawn into an ethereal light," and the boy appears.

2. "A gay guy enters a marriage of convenience with a foundling woman" 

3. "An older couple hires an actor to impersonate their gay son."

4. "A elderly man tells his grandson to stay away from gay men and lesbians" (VOD)

Maybe they're all correct.  I suspect that we are looking at magic realism, like 100 Years of Solitude, The House of the Spirits, and Cortazar's Hopscotch, where people merge into other people, time and space are fragmented, and the subconscious manifests in everyday objects.   

Let's try the trailer:


Scene 1
:  Sometime in the 19th century, an elderly fisherman (Rodrigo Santoro) is living by himself. That's the beginning of a lot of fairy tales.

He has been driven insane by the isolation, so he makes a creepy boy doll that he pretend is  real.   So is the doll going to come to life, like Pinocchio?  

Scene 2: He puts an ad in the village grapevine, "Elderly man seeks a son."  A teenage boy looks at it, but a preteen boy shows up. I think the teen boy turned into the preteen boy, and both are going to become the Fisherman.

Scene 3: The Boy wants the Fisherman to get a girlfriend, so he won't be lonely.  This might be a problem, since they live in the wilderness, a long, arduous journey from the nearest town. Who does he sell the fish to?   

Fortunately, at that moment the Woman of his Dreams appears, wearing a flowing white robe, sitting alone on the rocks. She must be a supernatural being, maybe an eidetic invocation of the Eternal Feminine.

The Boy doesn't think that the Woman of his Dreams is an appropriate partner for the day-to-day life of a fisherman, maye he can't see her at all, so he continues: "There are plenty of girls in the village."  This to a shot of someone who is definitely not a girl. I think he's Antonino from the n*de photos (Johnny Massaro), so maybe he was hanging out on the gay beach. 

Scene 4: Mom tells Antonino that she needs a grandchild, so get busy.


Scene 5: Antonino's wedding, to a woman trapped in a fishing net. Is this standard for Brazilian weddings, or does it signify that she's a sea creature?   This must be Plot #2: he's a gay guy forced to marry "a foundling woman." 

Scene 6: They settle in for their wedding night in separate beds.

Scene 7: In the morning, she leaves, wanders on to the beach, and says "Love ruins everything," just before the Fisherman sees her and is overcome by Girl of His Dreams fervor. So she's the Net Lady.  But I thought there were no other houses -- or hotels -- around for hundreds of miles. Maybe she walked through time and space.

Scene 8: Net Lady and Fisherman bond over screaming therapy, laugh, and swim in an ocean full of people, "all children of different mothers and fathers."  Obviously.

Meanwhile Antonino (I think) has a rather painful bout of self-gratification.


Scene 9:
 The Boy curls into a fetal position as hair drops on him.  So he's been to the barber?

People gaze at the ocean.

Net Lady (I assume) dies as the Fisherman holds her hand.

There's a giant glowing seashell.

Fisherman: "We're never really alone."

The end.

Still confused?  Me, too.  But I found a complete, detailed plot synopsis, untangled the magic realism fragmentation, and put the events in chronological order.

Unfragmented story after the break.  

Gemstones Episode 2.5: Yep, Kelvin is gay. But there's embezzlement and murder, too, and some accountant c ocks

  


Link to the c ocks


Episode 2.5 is a flashback to Christmas 1993.  Since two of the season's big questions are "Did Eli kill Glendon Marsh?" and "Is Junior trying to kill to get revenge?" we get some Eli-Glendon back story.

Knives or nunchuks? As the family is photographed at the Gemstone Christmas tree, Judy torments 4-year old Kelvin.  Jesse says that he's going to give him a weapon for Christmas, so he can defend himself: "Knives, or nunchuks."  Eli forbids him from giving his brother weapons.  Jesse complains that he's going to grow up to be "a pussy."  He explains that a pussy is someone who doesn't like to do things and is afraid of everything.  Sounds sort of like a gay stereotype.


You have to think of the optics: 
Eli is planning to move the Salvation Center to a giant coliseum.  The church board complains that he can't afford it: he's already spent church money on a private zoo and amusement park.  Hey, that's embezzlement!  They also advise that "the rich pastor is not a good look."  

But Eli won't listen: "I cannot imagine a more ridiculous comment.  Big means success. People want to see something bigger than life." Well, this is during the tail-end of the Reagan-Bush "wealth is virtue" era, with "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," "Dynasty," and "Dallas."

"But we're spending more than we have!" accountant Terry (Mike Ostroski) complains. Gulp: Eli fires him!

Get that boy some mousse: Baby Billy shows up unexpectedly, having abandoned his wife Gloria and son (he claims that they abandoned him, but Aimee-Leigh calls her and discovers the truth).  

Kelvin: "Dang, Baby Billy is thirsty."  But Billy isn't drinking anything.  Does he mean "thirst trap'?  That expression won't be common until the 2010s, but apparently it is used here to indicate that he thinks his uncle is hot.  Remember that in Season 1, the adult Kelvin and Judy comment on the attractiveness of their grown-up nephew Gideon.  

Baby Billy tells Kelvin that his estranged wife said:  "You have the most boring haircut in the world.  Get that boy some mousse."  Kelvin is upset (concerned with his appearance, a gay stereotype). Remember that the adult Kelvin uses mousse to create that upward wave.


Later, Kelvin demonstrates that he can play the harpsichord blindfolded (um..big deal?  Nobody looks down at the keys while playing).  Baby Billy calls him a prodigy and hugs and kisses him, obviously looking for a brainy replacement for his special-needs son.  The siblings scoff.  This musical talent is never referenced again.

The Return of Glendon Marsh:  As Eli walks through the office, everyone smiles and says "Good morning, Dr. Gemstone."  Everybody.  It looks creepy rather than friendly. "Be nice, or he'll turn you into a toad." 

His new accountant, Martin, starts off on the wrong foot by sitting in his chair!  

 Glendon Marsh, his boss when he was wrestling and breaking thumbs back in Memphis, shows up unexpectedly and asks Eli to take care of $3,000,000 that he doesn't want the government to know about, and he can keep $1,000,000 for his trouble.  Hey, that's money laundering!  But Eli has already been embezzling, so what's the difference?  Aimee-Leigh and Martin disapprove, and Eli finally refuses. 

More after the break

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