Modern Family Episode 8.14: Alex is promoted, Cam is injured, and Phil dreams of parking lots. With a dozen gay actors, two short guys, and Nathan Fillion

  

Link to the n*de photos

We've been watching Modern Family, even without Adam Devine as Andy.  Last night's episode was 8.14, "Heavy is the Head" (2017) -- a little dated, but it had a lot of gay representation and beefcake.

The Phil/Jay Plot

Scene 1:  Phil (center) and his father-in-law Jay (right) are at the groundbreaking for his lifelong dream of building his own apartment complex, Dunphy Towers. Corporate guy Jared Cook approaches with an offer to buy the property for 20% more than they paid.  Phil says no, but Jay wants to play with him for a bit and get the offer up.

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Jonathan Chase's backside in Another Gay Movie (2006)

Scene 2: Foreman Pete (Robert Baker, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) found a sewer line running through Phil/Jay's property, so they can't dig the basement of the new apartment building.  Shouldn't they have checked that first?  Plus there are pockets of methane gas everywhere, bursting into flame at random moments.  The project will have to be scrapped.

Scene 3: Phil and Jay approach Jared Cook, the corporate guy who wanted to buy the property, and accept his offer.  Nope, he heard about the structural problems, and the deal is off the table. 

Scene 4: They decide to turn the space into a parking lot.  Problem solved.  Phil announces that this was his dream all along.  Really?

The Claire/Gloria Plot

Scene 1:  Claire has to be careful around her birthday, because her stepmother Gloria (who is the same age) keeps giving her dumb gifts, then complains that she doesn't appreciate them.  This year Gloria is giving her a spa day, which is ridiculous -- she hates that girly stuff.  So she claims that she's too busy.

Scene 2: Claire is the new CEO at her father's company, Pritchet's Closets and Blinds.  Her marketing manager, Ben (the incredibly cute Joe Mande), complains that the workers are going ballistic about the budget cuts.  No overtime pay?  No bagel?

"We didn't have the Christmas sales we expected."  Do people usually put closets under the tree?

"Maybe we could fire someone, like Kenny in the warehouse."

"No, I love him. He makes fun of you."

Claire holds a staff meeting and claims that she's making sacrifices, too,  like flying coach. And she's taking off her office door to indicate that she's always available.

Ulp, when she enters her office, Gloria is there, with a huge gourmet lunch. Now the staff won't believe that she's cutting corners!

Scene 3: While Ben stands guard, Claire rushes through her caviar-and-champaign lunch.  She thinks she's done, but no, Gloria has arranged for the spa to come to the office.  And Claire can't say anything, or Gloria will get hurt feelings. 

When the swishy masseur Joshua (Artie O'Daly) appears, a worker asks who he is.  "Um..he's applying for a job as a forklift operator.  There are lots of gay forklift operators." 

Joshua:  "I'm not gay!"  

Left: Artie O'Daly is gay in real life. He is currently starring in the youtube sitcom Bad Boy, with Blase Maffia III.

Scene 4: The massage, plus a manicure. Claire is starting to unclench, but assistant Ben is having more and more trouble keeping the workers out: "Your girlfriend's office smells like truffles."

"My girlfriend is your boss, and she is not my girlfriend."

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.3: Kelvin topples, Keefe cuddles, and Titus is caged. With bonus s* loads

 

Previous: Episode 2.2: Kelvin clenches,Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. 

Link to the NSFW version

Episode 2.3 explores the darkness behind Eli and Kelvins' empires.  

Four guys in the steam showers:  A montage of the God Squad in their compound outside Kelvin's house, working out with wooden equipment, shaving with an axe, growing crops.  Performers that Kelvin hired would have apartments in town and ordinary social lives, with friends and families.  This is a whole society, a homoerotic alternative to the mundane world of men constrained by wives and children, imprisoned in small square houses "made of ticky tacky."  

In literature and film, the adventure ends with marriage.  The hero is domesticated, exchanging his battles and intrigues for a mortgage and a briefcase, his band of brothers for the Eternal Feminine.  The God Squad offers an escape: "no women allowed," either in the Squad or hanging about outside, hoping to "civilize them."

Kelvin congratulates Keefe on his leadership, then says  "I'll meet you in the steam showers, but bring Titus and Odd Chris.  I could smell them during worship."  Every guy working in the hot sun all day will be pungent; in-universe, he is obviously inviting the other men so he and Keefe can each have a sex partner.  The leaders of many messianic cults require sex with random members.  

No one named Odd Chris appears in the cast list, but Titus will be the first God Squad member to rebel. Interestingly, in the Bible the Apostle Paul set Titus to Corinth to deal with a challenge to his authority.

After Keefe leaves to prepare the orgy, Jesse drops by to reveal his theory that Eli murdered Thaniel Block and the other men.  Kelvin refuses to hear it, and wants to defend Eli's honor.  "You ain't as tough as you think, boy!" Jesse exclaims, putting up his fists.  Then he sees the God Squad preparing to defend Kelvin, and backs off.  Messiah Kelvin has some loyal followers!

Junior Threatens Brock:  We cut to Eli at home, putting his bloody pants from last night into the hamper and watching a news report about the murders. Security guard Brock calls to tell him that Junior wants in.  "Tell him I'm not here." Was Junior his partner in the murders, or did he do the job on his own?

Junior blusters and threatens him, but finally he drives away. You may recall that in Season 1, Scotty flirted with Brock to gain access to the Gemstone compound.  But Junior has moved away from his gay-subtext flirting; he is pure threat. 

The Human Pyramid:  We see the God Squad perform before an audience of teens.  Kelvin introduces the strongest member, Torsten, who dated a "female" in high school before she tried to seduce him, and he had to decide on "his celibacy or his soul."  It is clear that by "celibacy," Kelvin means much more than avoiding sex with women.  You must reject the entire heterosexist trajectory of job, house, wife, and kids, the nuclear family myth, the domestication and civilization threatened by the "female."  The way to salvation lies in the beauty of male bodies, in homoerotic desire unhindered by emotional connection. 

But when they move on to a human pyramid, with Kelvin on top, it topples.  The House of Cards collapses.  Maybe it can't be all about the penis after all.  Keefe behaves like a concerned boyfriend, rushing onto the stage and embracing Kelvin  -- to protect him from plummeting musclemen?.

Kelvin Wants to Spoon: After a scene with Jesse and his family discussing whether Eli is a murderer, we cut to Kelvin in his dressing room.  What follows is very difficult to read. Fans are likely to shake their heads and say WTF?  during their first, second, and third viewing. The showrunners want us to be unsure whether the guys are in fact gay, but that's obvious to anyone who pays the slightest attention to queer codes.  The real question: is Keefe Kelvin's assistant and acolyte or his romantic partner?  Are they friends with benefits, or are they in love?

On the surface, it seems easy enough.  Kelvin, in underwear, is looking out the window at the God Squad below. Keefe enters, having drawn him a bath, and tells him that both Liam and Titus were injured in the human pyramid debacle.  Kelvin thinks that it's their own fault for being soft on the fundamentals and skipping leg day.  "Something might have to be done about Titus," he says menacingly, an action-adventure movie villain.  

Keefe: "I completely agree."  Note that he is not an assistant, or his opinion would be irrelevant.  They are equal partners in the God Squad Cult.  "But some of the others have been questioning their place here as well. That's the downside of assembling an entire group of alpha males.  As they grow stronger, they grow more defiant."  The men are not content with being mere objects of desire; they want autonomy and control. 

Kelvin slips off his underwear and hands them to Keefe, who helps him put on his bathrobe -- from behind.   He has to press his body against Kelvin, crotch to butt.  Then he caresses Kelvin's thighs instead of breaking away. It would be much easier from the front.  Why does he go in from the rear?  

When he is finished, Keefe walks over to the mirror, but Kelvin isn't having it, and moves in front of him to get into the butt-to-crotch position again. 

Their gestures and positions are blatantly erotic.  Kelvin is in physical and emotional distress, and wants to be comforted.  In a society where romance is forbidden, this is how lovers cuddle.

"Brother, what's troubling you? " Keefe asks. "Your mind seems dark and black."  It's a secret.  Keefe promises not to tell anyone.

Kelvin turns around to reveal that his Daddy may be a murderer.  Their faces are only a few inches apart, far too close even for lovers, unless they're about to kiss.  One of them must back up to a comfortable conversational distance.  Kelvin is right against the mirror, so it's up to Keefe to back up.  Why doesn't he back up?. 

We see here Keefe struggling with his desire to move the relationship from "erotic partners" to "boyfriends," struggling with his urge to kiss Kelvin. Notice that he says "Are we in trouble?", not "Are you in trouble."  Again we discover that he is not an employee, who could just find another job if the church went down.  They are romantic partners; they are in this together.

Eli lays down the law: In the next scene, Eli notes that Liam (Peter Kaasa), who was injured during the human pyramid stunt, is suing the Gemstones. They don't need another scandal right now. 

He tells Kelvin to "stop acting like a child" and "grow up."  It's time to "put on your big boy pants, and stop playing with your muscular boys."  Kelvin yells "They're muscle men, Daddy," but he has missed the point.

 Eli thinks that Kelvin's erotic play is immature and childish.  Adults can't be all about desire, about doing things behind closed doors; they need connection to the greater society.  His talk omits the usual "find a girl, get married, and have kids" part of the heteronormative litany, since he knows that Kelvin will never relate to a woman in that way.  But he still needs relationships based on love as well as desire.  He needs to be part of a family.  

Sorry, I ran out of space.  Titus will be caged, and do the coming, in the next section.  But I included some bonus s* loads on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends 

Madden Zook: 5 soul-winning movies and 3,000 girl-hugging photos prove that he's straight, right? Plus some n*de ballet dudes

 

Link to the n*de photos

Madden Zook, who just appeared as the #50 most popular on the Teen Idol website, looks like a model -- a little skinny, but with one of those "ratboy" faces that are all the rage. 

No question that he's straight in real life. 90% of his photos show him hugging, kissing, smooching, and licking girls.  Oh, here's one where she is just sniffing his bicep.

The girl-hugging would usually disqualify a guy from further research, but I was fascinated: the heterosexism was so very, very over the top, absurdly excessive.   Lots of straight guys devote most of their social media to hugging and kissing The Girl of Their Dreams, but every single photo on his Instagram and Facebook?  Dozens of them? What are you trying to prove, buddy? 

Wait --  I thought this was another girl-hugging photo, but upon closer examination, it's a dude hugging him.  

So, how did Zook become a teen idol? Hugging and kissing girls won't make you famous. He must have done some acting or singing at some point.    

He has five acting credits on the IMDB:

Laps (2018): Swimmer Mitchell (Brayden Benson, center) is being bullied, so he tells the swim coach (Ian Lang).  That's progressive.  When I was a kid, the teachers said "You have to settle your own disputes," and my Dad enrolled me in judo lessons.  Didn't help.

Zook (left) and Cameron Judd (right) play the bullies. 

It was written and directed by Ian Lang, whose Internet biography reads: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose" -Romans 8:28. 

Maybe Zook is fundamentalist, and hugs and kisses a lot of girls to prove that he's not "that way" in spite of his swishiness? 

Ian also wrote, produced, and stars in Red Hood: The Fan Series (2019), Christian-based sequel to Red Hood: The Series (2016),: Jason Todd,  the Second Robin in the Batman mythos, returns to Gotham City as the vigiante Red Hood.  He is subdued by a cadre of born-again Robins led by Bruce Wayne's son Damien (Cameron Judd again).  

I watched one of Zook's episodes: he plays a patient in a sinister hospital rescued by Damien.  I didn't stick around to see if they do any buddy-bonding; gay kids might like the lingering close-ups of 12-year old boys in muscle shirts, or sleeping in their altogether, but they made me uncomfortable.

More after the break.  

The Chair Company, Episode 1.6: More queer codes at Seth's 18th birthday party. Plus Seth's selfie, a queer puppeteer, Ebenezer Scrooge, and Brock c*ck

Link to the n*de photos

The Chair Company (2025), on MAX, stars Tim Robinson as corporate schlub Ron, whose chair collapses during an important presentation.  Looking for the company that sold the defective piece of office furniture, he finds an empty warehouse, a website with an invented board of directors, and...it gets weirder and weirder, with conspiracies, hidden agendas, and threats. Or is it all a paranoid delusion?

He hires Mike (Joseph Tudisco) to help with the intel gathering.  Eventually they become close, and Mike refuses payment: "We're family."  

His young adult daughter and her girlfriend have substantial roles, and his teenage son Seth (Will Price) displays some queer codes.  Especially in Episode 1.6, "Happy Birthday: A Friend"

Scene 1: The boss (Lou Diamond Philips, top photo) is weekending in Sedona, Arizona with his buds.  He claims that his property management company is important, but they dismiss it as "making pretty boxes."  The real life, the only thing that's important, is spending time with your friends.  No women around; are these guys all gay?

Scene 2: The photos of the fake Board of Directors on the chair company website were taken by someone named Maggie S. during an acting exercise.  Ron goes to the acting studio  and asks around.  No one remembers the exercise, and they all claim not to know a Maggie S. -- except for Headphone Guy (Brendan Jennings, left), who runs off in a panic.  Ron catches up and starts punching and hitting him, yelling, "Who is Maggie S.?"  Then he realizes that everyone is watching him assault a guy, and runs away.

Scene 3: During the chair collapse, Ron accidentally saw up his coworker's dress.  Human Resources got upset, and brought in a consultant to watch their interactions and make sure he isn't stalking or harassing her.  The Consultant is not sure.

Scene 4: The Boss brought back some photos of vibrant colors and textures from Sedona.  He wants them to redo the design of the big Shopping Mall project, to make it "inspiring" and "cool." But he doesn't give them any detailed instructions, so the design team is confused.  This is not connected to the central mystery.  This show has a lot of bit pieces that are weird for their own sake.

Later, they show the Boss their plans for "bold, earthy colors," with textures like sandstone or "a harsher contrast with nickel plating."  He doesn't like it; "dig deeper." 

Scene 5: Ron walks into the house late at night and sees a long-haired chubby guy getting himself a bowl of popcorn.  He says "Hi, Honey" and "Seth, your Dad's home!" before returning to the basement.

Mom explains that he's Richard (Tyler Bunch), working on a project with Seth. 

Tyler Bunch is a member of the Jim Henson Company, appearing as a muppet on 103 episodes of Sesame Street (1998-2024).  He also voiced several characters on 400 episodes of Pokemon (2012-22), and he sings Gilbert and Sullivan.  He is gay in real life.

Ron is not happy with his not-quite-18 year old son being friends with a guy 40 years older, plus it's late: he needs to be in bed so he can play basketball tomorrow.  Seth refuses: "Nope, this is important."

In other news, Son Seth invited Toby to his birthday party.  "He's really excited to come," They haven't seen each other for years because they go to different schools, but when he was thirteen, they performed the Pee-Wee Herman Dance, and Ron joined in: one of the happiest memories Seth has of his dysfunctional Dad. 

Dad Ron doesn't think Son Seth and Toby should be friends.  This upsets Seth.  No wonder: that's two friends you disapproved of in five minutes. Sounds like you're threatened by the thought of your son having someone special in his life.  

Scene 6: Later, in his room, Son Seth drinks while looking at a photo of his junior-high basketball team, with Dad Ron hugging him.  So Dad should be threatened?  "Hi, Honey" Richard is a Dad substitute?

Possible Will selfie on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends. Don't worry, the actor is 25.

Later, Ron meets with "We're family" Mike.  They discuss some more clues about the bogus chair company.  In other news, would Seth like a decommissioned police car for his birthday?

"You're not invited to his party.  It's just for his friends and their parents."

"But I'd really like to come.  We're family, remember."

"No!" Why don't you want him there, buddy?  Afraid that you might let down your defenses and actually care about someone?

Scene 7: More weird stuff at work, and then the Boss wants to discuss changing the Mall plans -- tomorrow.

"But it's my son's birthday party."

"Great, I'll be there!"

Later, Ron looks at the photos he took of the guy he assaulted at the acting class.  A strange tattoo leads him to the chair company's parent website...but at that moment, someone calls to threaten him: "I'm thinking of finally doing something to you."

Scene 8: The birthday party.  Seth is sitting at a table with the "Hi, Honey" Richard, his sister, her girlfriend, and  a boy.  So, no girls? And how does Richard rate the spot next to you? 

 Wait -- you can see under the table that he has one leg touching Seth's and the other touching or nearly touching his  bottom, symbolically controling his s*exual space. As a protector, or to discourage the competition? I guess since he's 18 now, they can date.

The other guests are almost all boys and their parents.  There are one or two teenage girls in the background, but Seth doesn't interact with them. 

More after the break

Charlie M.: What can you do with a philosophy major? Actor, comedian, photographer, multimedia current affairs producer, model?

  

Link to the n*de photos

The HandJones Underwear Thread has two ads with Charlie M. modeling "Handful," posted in November 2024.  

There's an actor with his name, but his first acting roles were in the 1960s, and he spent 40 years as a casting agent, so it couldn't be the same guy. 

But I found the Linkedin, Instagram, and Facebook pages of someone who looks like our model.

Charlie M. is a Midlands boy.  He attended the University of Sheffield (2014-2017), receiving a B.A. in Philosophy with a 2:1 (which is good, I think).  He was in the swim club and the Footnotes Comedy Society.

He started a Backstage Profile as an actor/comedian, non-union, age range 17-25, but apparently the acting didn't work out: he has no listings on the IMDB or on the London stage.

We find some n*de photos during this period, also, but just selfies, so he hasn't thought of modeling yet, or maybe he tried but it didn't work out. 

In 2017, just after graduating, Charlie adds his name to the "Open Comedy" website.  He says that he's been performing comedy for two years, mostly on the student circuit, including the Edinburg Fringe Festival twice, but he wants to break into the London comedy scene.

But apparently comedy didn't work out, either. Instead, Charlie became a "multimedia current affairs producer, turnng complex issues into clear narratives for impact."  He produced "multimedia packages on economic development" in Central Asia, the Middle East, Eastern Europe, and Africa.

He did a photo series about formerly-nomadic cattle herders in Kazakhstan.  They are fine working outside when the temperature is -30C (-22F).

More after the break.  

Why was Bomba the Jungle Boy always tied up?

Johnny Sheffield (1931-2010) spent the first 24 years of his life being filmed in a loincloth cut to the thigh, first as "Boy," son of Tarzan Johnny Weissmuller in 8 movies (1939-1947), and then as the teenage Bomba the Jungle Boy in 12 movies (1949-1955).  After all that, it proved impossible to find a fully-clothed role, so Johnny went to UCLA, got his degree in business, and had a successful second career in real estate.

The Bomba movies were on tv constantly during my childhood, usually on Saturday afternoons when there was no game,  and now they're all available on DVD. 

I noticed something interesting: in all of the Tarzan movies featuring the adolescent Boy, and in all but one of the Bomba movies, Johnny gets tied up. 

Was director Ford Beebe interested in tie-up games?

Or is it a matter of maximizing beefcake?

Of course, Bomba was tied up a lot in the original book series.

And the original Boy was no stranger to tied-up peril.

But the constant close-ups of the young adult Sheffield straining at his bonds were quite impressive to gay kids growing up in a world where same-sex desire could never be named or even thought of.

Was that the point?

More after the break

Kobi Frumer fights the Punisher, searches for Sawyer's gold, has a toxic boyfriend, answers Question #3 (n*de photos?) but evades #2 (gay?)

 

Link to the n*de photos

Apparently I downloaded these two photos awhile back, and forgot about them:

1. Because he has a nice physique, or because he is standing on his head in a snowbank?

2.  Ok, no question: "The best way to start the day" is by lying face down in snow.   Cah-razy!  

His name is Kobi Frumer -- quite distinctive.  I've only heard of one other Kobi, some kind of sports guy.

Not many biographical details.  He was born in New York City in 2004.  He graduated (with a 3.9 GPA) from the  Professional Children's School, a high school for actors and other performers in New York (famous alumni include Macaulay Culkin, Anthony Michael Hall, Jerry O'Connell -- and Milton Berle).

His on-screen acting began in 2015, with  some shorts and documentaries. 

Then came 9 episodes of The Punisher (2017), starring Jon Berenthal as the Marvel Comics vigilante, "a tortured, angry husband and father who's living in this unbelievable world of darkness and loss and torment."  Sounds awful.

Kobi plays Zach Lieberman, son of the Punisher's partner-in-crime David Lieberman.  His dad dies (first rule of fiction); he becomes surly, rebellious, and violent; he is threatened by the Punisher, and kidnapped by Billy Russo; Dad turns out to be alive, dies again, and turns out to be alive again (is this a soap opera?).  Zach doesn't display any heterosexual interest, but really, when does he have time? 

Next we find Kobi voicing Ollie in 50 episodes of The Ollie and Moon Show (2017), a preschool toon about cats having adventures around the world: "Canadian Pancake Party," "Thinking Pink in Senegal," "A Wild Goose Chase in Berlin." 

More shorts and voice work follow. 

Kobi is most famous for The Quest for Tom Sawyer's Gold (2023).  Retired adventurer Agatha and her girlfriend are drawn back into the game when her son Ant finds a letter indicating that Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn were real people, not fiction, and hid real gold somewhere in the American Southwest.   There's no Ant in the cast list, but he could be Antony (Dodge Prince).  Kobi plays one of his friends. 

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.2: Kelvin clenches, Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. With a n*de Texas dude bonus.

 

Previous: Episode 2.1 Review, Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's b*ner, and a thug with broken thumbs

In Episode 2.1, while we establish the Kelvin/Keefe, Judy/BJ, and Jesse/Amber conflicts of the season, Eli's old friend Junior stops by, and acts very much like an ex-lover.  They go out to dinner and beat up a tough.  Now we see the aftermath.

Link to NSFW version

Eli Gemstone indicted! Thaniel Block sits on the porch of his rental house in the South Carolina woods, reading some news stories from 1993: Gemstone Family Studios to close due to "a financial and rumors of  sexual scandals," with $4 million missing.  Another article: "Eli Gemstone indicted on charges of fraud and conspiracy." But Episode 2.5 takes place at Christmas 1993.  When did all this happen? Geezer Tim drops by to criticize him for living in New York and having a "nasty attitude." 

A Hot Piece of Tail: Judy and BJ visit Eli to ask him to officiate in BJ's baptism.  They find him asleep on the couch in the parlor. Junior enters and asks "Who's this hot piece of tail?"  He's actually looking at BJ, but Eli assumes that he means Judy and says that she is his daughter.  He apologizes and asks if BJ is her lesbian partner. BJ starts to answer, but Judy cuts him off.

There are several takeaways here.  First, Eli and Junior did not sleep together; Eli fell asleep on the couch. Weren't there any guest rooms in his mansion? 

Second, check out Junior's magenta bathrobe, jaunty hand on him, and pinky ring: he is deliberately presenting as queer.   

Third, Eli may have mentioned that one of his children is gay, and Junior forgot which.

Execretions and Hep C Loads:  After Junior heads to the kitchen to make coffee, Judy wants to know what's going on.  Eli tells her that "things got a little carried away last night," which she interprets to mean that they are having rough s*x.  He grimaces in disgust, but plays along to mess with her.  

Her main criticism is that Junior is unattractive: "I always hoped that if you were gonna yank a pole, it would be someone hot."  So Judy has considered the possibility that Eli is bisexual for a long time. 

She states that the "hookup" signifies that Eli doesn't care about his family.  Remember that Jesse likewise complains that Kelvin "popping boners" with the muscle men is "selfish, not helping the family."  But it's not just gay s*x; on this show, having a partner of any sort is framed as a betrayal.  The family is aghast when Judy wants to move off the Compound with BJ; Baby Billy is still hurt over his sister Aimee-Leigh "leaving him" to marry Eli.  

As they storm out, Judy cautions BJ to not touch anything, as there are probably execretions and Hep C loads everywhere.  This is a call back to Abraham leaving his semen everywhere in Jesse's house, plus an awareness that Hepatitus C can easily spread through s*x, so it is particularly common in gay communities.

Good Sniffer Seats: After they leave, Eli joins Junior on the back patio, overlooking the reflecting pool that leads to Aimee-Leigh's shrine.  Eli invites him to church, but he worries about the cost.  Junior avers that he's been to enough strip joints to know that you have to pay for the "good sniffer seats."  I can't find the term "sniffer seat" defined anywhere, but I guess that it's a seat close enough to the stage to smell the performers.  There are male clubs, but he's probably referencing a lady's club, being a hetero horn dog, backing off from the implication of gay activity. 

But not entirely: Eli offers to reserve a good seat for him, and the guys hold hands!

On closer examination, it turns out to be a man and a woman holding hands. We have cut to a scene involving Jesse and Amber's marital advice group. But it is so abrupt that the misdirection must be intentional.  The man is even wearing a shirt the same color as Junior's robe.

After the group meeting, Matthew and Chad ask why Jesse's old crew isn't hanging out together anymore.  This is all marital stuff, heterosexual nuclear family stuff; what happened to the band of brothers, savage and free?  Gregory explains; "I love you guys, but happy wife, happy life."

This is becoming an ongoing question in this season: how do you balance phileo and eros, the fraternal love of family and friends and  desire that creates husbands, wives, and lovers?  The Bible says that we must abandon phileo for eros, "leave their father and mother and cleave to their husband or wife."  Kelvin is trying to combine the fraternal and the erotic by forbidding romance. BJ is trying to negotiate both.

You Got a Hound Dog Here: Cut to Thaniel visiting the Salvation Center, where he admits that he has s*xual-scandal dirt on Aimee-Leigh, gathered from household staff.  Well, at least Kelvin is off the hook.

The World's Most Famous Christian: Next, Jesse and Amber visit the Lissons in Texas for a party to celebrate the proposed Zion's Landing resort. Joe Jonas, the World's Most Famous Christian, leads everyone in a line dance.  He proclaims his heterosexuality, singing about the "beautiful girls" he's been with while wearing a formless leopard robe and pink bandana, the antithesis of Kelvin's tiger jacket and club bulge. Desire for women un-mans a man, renderng him soft and sickly; only in the manly love of comrades can a man be strong and free.

More after the break

"Die Drei ???": Boy detectives in 44 books and 4 movies, most with gay subtexts. With a lot of co-star d*cks, but no Alfred Hitchcock

The Three Investigators (1967-83) is an American boys' mystery series originally published as Alfred Hitchcock and the Three Investigators, although the famous director rarely appears and plays no role in the stories:

The Mystery of the Green Ghost

The Mystery of the Screaming Clock

The Mystery of the Dancing Devil

The Mystery of the Sinister Scarecrow.

The Secret of Shark Reef

In all, 41 Mystery of and 4 Secret of.

The stories have been translated into over 20 languages.  In Germany, the investigators are Die Drei ???, pronounced Fragenzeichen, "Question Marks," after their business card.. 

The three boys:

The leader, future detective Jupiter: stocky/muscular, highly intelligent, able to piece together clues quickly.  His Uncle Titus' salvage yard provides many mysteries.

Athletic Peter takes on the dangerous assignments, like trailing suspects and rescuing his friends.  His father works in special effects in Hollywood, giving them access to movie-making mysteries.

Shy, sensitive, gay-vague Bob, who wears a leg brace, works at the library; he conducts the research in public and forbidden collections. His father is a journalist, giving them access to news-story mysteries.

I read three of the books back in the 2000s, when I was researching an article on queer codes in children's literature.  None of the investigators express any girl craziness, and the constant kidnapping, tight-squeezes, and nick-of-time rescues create many opportunities for buddy-bonding. Peter and Bob are so intimate that one almost expects them to be a canonical gay couple. So when I discovered that the trio has appeared in two German movies, I had to check them for gay subtexts (or maybe texts).

In the books, the boys are 13-14 years old, but  Julius Weckauf (Jupiter), Nevio Wendt (Peter), and Levi Brandl (Bob)  are 16-18, able to drive and get into more life-threatening situations. 

Die Drei ???: Erbe des Drachen, "The Dragon's Legacy" (2023): the boys have a summer internship on the set of the movie Dracula Rises, filming in Transylvania.  They investigate the disappearance of a boy 50 years ago, encountering a secret society and an "an undead creature." 

The trailer doesn't show anyone meeting the Girl of His Dreams, and Bob looks quite gay-stereotype feminine.  I'll take it as a queer code.

Mark Wachke, who starred in The Dark on Netflix, plays Peter's father, the special effects guy.

Die Drei ??? und der Karpathanhund, "The Carpathan Hound" (2025): gay gallery owner Mr. Prentice asks the boys to track down his stolen Carpathian Hound sculpture.  Darn, I thought it would be a "Hound of the Baskervilles" thing. 

Johannes Nussbaum (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) plays Sonny Elmquist. 

The trailer reveals lots of threatening villians, including a carnival devil. We see Peter rescuing Bob, and again, no Girl of His Dreams. Have they become a canonincal couple?

Plus a homophobic fan complains about "turning some characters gay."  Sounds like it is worth a review.

A third German movie, Die Drei ??? Toteninsel ("Death Island"), will premiere in 2026.

Wait -- "where to watch" showed that the movie is available on Amazon Prime, but apparently not in the U.S.  We'll have to make do with the trailers, and check to see if any of the actors are gay in real life. 

More after the break

Sacha Carlson: Girl, boy, or nonbinary? Gay, ally, or homophobe? The answer will shock you. WIth Gillespie backside and Sacha d*ck

Link to the n*de photos 

When this cute guy appeared on the teen idol website, I clicked on the photo to find out if he's an actor who could rate a profile.  But it turned out to be a collection of photos of his girlfriend (right), Sacha Carlson.

I went through it anyway, hoping to see the cute guy again.   

Wait -- Sacha has some 5-o'clock shadow here.  Maybe they're transitioning?

A shirtless shot, with muscles and chest hair.  This person has a male-coded physique and a woman's face.  Maybe they're nonbinary?

Nope.  They don't give their pronouns on ther Instagram page, but Wikipedia and the IMDB say he/him. Sacha is a femme boy. 

A femme boy who is into girls, as the many, many girl-hugging and kissing photos on his Instagram suggest.

And his song lyrics (he's mostly a singer):

I get lost in the thought of her lovin'

Weak in the knees all of the sudden

I want more

But there's one thing you gotta know

I'm gonna drive you like Cadillac.

Hey, that's not family-friendly!

No reason why straight guys can't be femme, but doubtless everyone Sacha meets, including casting agents, will assume that he's gay, so he will be offered a lot of gay parts.

Other than music videos, Sacha has five acting credits listed on the IMDB:

Two episodes of American Housewife (2018):  his character not listed in the plot synopsis, but he's probably a student at the ballet academy that gay-vague Oliver (Daniel DiMaggio) is hoping to be admitted to.

Julie and the Phantoms (2020), about a teenage girl who forms a band with the ghosts of three teenage musicians who died from eating bad hot dogs in the 1990s: Luke (Charlie Gillespie, backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), Reggie (Jeremy Shada), and Alex (Owen Joyner).

Alex is gay, and fully accepted by his bandmates.  He starts a relationship with Willie  (Booboo Stewart), the ghost of a boy who died in a skateboarding accident. 

Sacha plays Nick, a (living) femme boy who Julie is crushing on. 

A 2022 episode of 9-1-1 Lone Star.  Sacha's character doesn't appear in the plot synopsis, but there's a wrestling match and a road-rage incident, so he must be involved in one of those.

Everything I Ever Wanted (2025): It's the Girl of His Dreams.

More after the break.  What comes next will shock you, as the clickbaiters say.

"Big Boys": A gay university freshman tries to make friends, get a boyfriend, find his tribe. With lots of Dylan d *cks

   

Link to the Dylan d *cks

Should I try out Big Boys, a Britcom on Hulu?

Search for n *de photos first.

Whoa, they are definitely big.  Especially Dylan Llewellan.

Narrated by creator/writer Jack Rooke, Big Boys revisits his 19-year old self, attempting to move out of the house to attend uni in the fall of 2013, looking for friends, boyfriends, and his place in the world.

He shouldn't have a problem finding boyfriends. Like I said, the guy is big.  See the photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

I'm reviewing Episode 1.2, "I Wanna Take You to a Gay Bar"

Prelude: 2011: Jack (Dyllan Llewellan) and his Mum  are watching tv when they get the news of Dad's passing.  Shots of the two  crying, cuddling, pushing their feet together, heads on shoulders, legs on laps.  Cringe intimacy you two have.  Americans will perceive an incest subtext, but it's probably not intentional. Brits just like to treat their Mums as their lovers.

Scene 1: 2013:  Jack's first year at Uni.  He can't get into the dorms, so the university moved him and "mature" 25-year old Danny  into an off-campus shed.  Mom is helping them decorate.  

She gives Jack some Tupperware for his marijuana, although he doesn't use, and a  live-laugh-love mobile so he can "live," "have some laughs with a girl," and "fall in love." So Mum is fine with marijuana, but you're not out?  Surely she already knows.

When she leaves, Danny (Jon Pointing) gives Jack a bottle of lubricant -- they were two for one  at Boots -- but he's not sure if backsides take a different kind.  Jack isn't sure either, since he's never been with a guy before.  

"Don't worry, I'll do some research."   

Scene 2: The Student Union Officer announces the "ca-razy" Brent Uni freshers fair, where the first-years try to find their fams. Older Jack, narrating: "Mostly it was second-year drug dealers trying to recruit new clients." 

She tries to sell Jack on the Christian Union, which does a free roast on Sunday nights. Maybe not.

Roommate Danny points out the LGBTQAIA  Student Union.  Jack is afraid to approach, but Danny insists: "You can't be a little saddo all your life."  Why did he make Jack his project?

"But what does the QAIA mean?"

"Queer, Asexual, Intersexed, Allies."  Blimey, when a straight guy knows more than you do....

Uh-oh, Jack sees Yemi (Odisa Odele), the guy he was trying to make out with at the Fresher Mixer last episode. While they were kissing, his hair got caught in the guy's nose ring.  They had to get the Faculty Advisor to cut them loose.  Yemi tries to ignore him, but reconsiders (you think he's hot, or feel sorry for him?). He talks about about the various gay tribes: twink, bear, daddy, pos, otter, trans, and geek.  Jack is obviously a geek.

 They're all going clubbing in London tonight. Wanna come?

Meanwhile, Danny tries to pick up a woman at the Feminist Society table by pushing the free tampons and claiming to be interested in women writers.  Name two. Corinne, a lesbian, interrupts to point out the inconsistencies in his story, but it works: the woman he was cruising invites him to a pre-lash tonight (a private drinking party before you head to the clubs).

Scene 3: Roommate Danny wants Jack to skip the gay clubbing and go to the pre-lash with him, so they can meet some of their fellow students.  They need mates on campus.  Danny is setting himself up as a mentor, but he needs a friend as much as Jack does.  He must have some tragedies and pain in his background, to be revealed later.

Montage of the two getting ready, Danny by working out so he's nicely swole, Jack by reading so he can have an intelligent conversation.

Uh-oh, the Security Guard, whose name is Ru Pal, stops them. Only dormitory residents and signed-in guests, no townies. 

Ok, Danny insists that Jack go to the gay club after all, and he'll stay home, "cooped up like Anne Frank."  Not quite the same thing, buddy.

Scene 4:  Danny is sitting on a bench on campus, trying ineptly to start conversations with passersby, when Corinne, the lesbian from earlier, runs into him.  They argue about feminism.  Her back story: she was the only one in her friend group to get rejected by Oxford and Cambridge.  This is her dull, mundane, state-university-type safety school, full of jocks and eejits.  Wait -- they're doing "You're arrogant!" flirtation arguing.  Is she actually a lesbian, or did I just assume because of her outfit and hair style?

Jack passes by on his way to the pick-up for the gay club, and invites them along.

Scene 5: "No way!  They cannot come!" Yemi, Jack's mentor, yells. "Gays only!"  But their driver says it's fine.

Older Jack, narrating: "It's scary going to your first gay club, 'cause the vast majority are called things like Savage, or Envy, or Revenge."  What about Heaven?

At the club, Gordy's, the drag queen bouncer sizes up Danny: "Straight allies are welcome, but any funny business, f*cking around, laddy banter, any pretending to be Louis Spencer, and you're out!" Louis Spencer is King Charles' nephew, a 30-year old theatrical actor.  I don't know what the drag queen is talking about.

Scene 6: Clubbers dancing, drinking, hugging,  and whooping.  Older Jack narrating: "In spite of being individual misfits, we spent the whole night together."  So this series will be about the various problems of the friendship group.

Danny gets cruised by an obnoxious guy, but gets rid of him by claiming that he comes to London to visit his cousin in Wormwood Scrubs -- a prison.  

I thought Obnoxious Guy was played by Gordon 'Gordy' Maxwell, to whom the episode is dedicated.  There's a memorial article on the Minka Guides website, which describes him as a tv producer and a regular at the Sink the Pink Nightclub.  Except he was over 40, and the episode aired in May 2022, several years after his death in December 2018.  Wait -- the club is named "Gordy's."  That's the homage.

More after the break.