Link to the n*de dudes
The trailer of Seraphim: The Motion Picture (2024 or 2026) shows two African-American men, named Angel and Druid, so you think there will be paranormal content. We see them knocking on each other's door, kissing, hugging, dancing, having s*x, displaying their bottoms, gazing into each other's eyes, singing while having s*x, and singing while having a b*ndage scene. Then one is shot and killed by a snarling cop, and the other experiences grief.
So, gay life ends in tragedy. A bit old-fashioned, marred by internalized homophobia, but totally comprehensible. But check out the plot synopsis: a labyrinth of obscure references and pretentious, hyperbolic, overpraising gush set amid the annoying overuse of all-caps and quotation marks.
Let's go through it beat by beat. I'm fixing the ALLCAP and quotation mark mishegas. and the misuse of commas, for, everything.
" From the creators of the critically acclaimed, socially-conscious album Seraphim..."
Seraphim is a concert album with themes of racial injustice and homophobia, written, performed, and produced by Marck Angel. I never heard of him, but according to his bio, he is an acclaimed actor, singer, dancer, songwriter, record producer, director, novelist, painter, architect, marine biologist, neurosurgeon, theologian, and Greek god, able to walk on water and leap tall buildings in a single bound.
"...based on the award-winning short film Justice..."
There are many, many short films by that name: a girl seeks revenge for her sister's murder; a famous lawyer prepares for a case; a woman is accused of murder; the mind of a troubled young man in prison.
"...comes Seraphim: The Motion Picture , starring Pop/R&B sensation, Marck Angel ("Finding Me", "Christopher Street")..."
I figured that since Marck is the greatest everything in the world, his two songs would be going super-platinum and stay on the Billboard #1 list for 345 weeks, but I can't find them.
I found two songs named after Christopher Street, the heart of New York's gay village and the name of an influential gay magazine.
Typical spot in Greenwich Village.
Ain't it quaint? Ain't it sweet?
Pleasant and peaceful on Christopher Street
The second is called "Christopher Street," by Yarn (2014), a North Carolina based band that frequently plays at gay venues:
And I see the colors from the street lights
Oh and the queens they come walking this way
Lord I'm counting on better days
More about Marck Angel. The acclaimed actor has three other credits on the IMDB:
"...web-series heartthrob Donta Hensley (Honest Men, Davenport Diaries)..."
Honest Men is a 17-episode tv series about "honest conversations" between men, their sons, and "the boy next door." There's also strangling, bedroom stuff, and a guy squeezing his pecs while his buddy is going downtown (example on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).
Davenport Diaries is a 16-episode tv series with no plot synopsis, but it looks like a soap opera.
"....and up and coming stage/film prodigy Donnie E. Thomas (Love and Therapy)."
Donnie E. Thomas has no other screen credits. There is no Love and Therapy movie or tv show, but there's a S*x, Love, & Therapy movie from 2014, starring Patrick Breul (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) as a marriage counselor who promotes the benefits of falling in love before you fall into bed -- until he hires a s*x-crazy female assistant.
Whew, we made it through the first sentence. More after the break.
"Directed by R.E.D."
R.E.D. has no other screen credits. I don't know what the initials stand for; the only thing Google AI can thinkof is the movie Red (2010), starring Bruce Willis and Julian McMahon (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.
"Seraphim: The Motion Picture seamlessly arcs a symphony of anthological music visuals..."
What the heck is a symphony of anthological music visuals, and how do you seamlessly arc them?
"...with an intimate "day in the life of" romantic-narrative, surrounding two lovers attempting to rekindle their relationship..."
I think it just means that they spend the day together.
"...inspired by iconic avant-garde, musical visuals such as Rhythm Nation 1814 and Purple Rain..."
Rhythm Nation 1814 is a 1989 concept album by Janet Jackson, tracing the tragedy of two aspiring musicians whose lives are disrupted by drug abuse. I've never heard it, but Janet's music was ubiquitous in the 1980s, and I still get nostalgic memories when I hear "What have you done for me lately?" or "Nasty, nasty boys don't mean a thing..."
Purple Rain is a 1984 rock musical starring Prince as a kid growing up in an abusive household, who must get his band started and fall in love. I've never seen it -- Prince was staggeringly homophobic -- but he was everywhere in 1984, and "When Doves Cry" brings back melancholy memories:
Maybe I'm just too demanding.
This what it sounds like when doves cry.
"...juxtaposed with urban-romantic classics like Moonlight and Noah's Arc..."
Moonlight (2016) stars Travante Rhodes(n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) as a man experiencing racism, homophobia, angst, and the endless agony of gay black life.
Noah's Arc (2005-06) stars Darryl Stephens (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) as aspiring screenwriter Noah, who faces racism, homophobia, and so on with his three friends.
Now you're just saying words.
See also: Like Cattle Towards Gloom: The mystery of the glowing cattle solved, sort of. With Nicolas Hau tree-trunking, a n*ked man in my bed, and unrelenting gloom
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