Unfamiliar: Spy vs. Spy in Berlin, with a Mongolian guy, a gay oldster, Kramer's d*ck and the drag boy grown up

 

Link to the n*de photos

Unfamiliar (2026) just dropped on Netflix.  You can tell by the random one-word title that has no connection to the story: it's about spies.  It stars Aaron Altaras, who I just profiled, and Felix Kramer, who plays a gay guy in Dogs of Berlin, so I'll give it a try.

Prologue: A man (Aaron Altaras) walks through a graffiti-strewn bad neighborhood of Berlin, by the Spittelmarkt Square, digs a microchip out of his stomach, and shoots himself in the leg.

Scene 1:  In a fancy restaurant kitchen, a Chef (Felix Kramer) and his assistants are cooking.  Meanwhile, a teenager girl opens a present and her Mom smiles.  A banner says "Happy Birthday" in English.

When the meal is done, the Chief and his assistant Yul bring it in...wait, the apartment is right off the restaurant kitchen?   Chef gives a speech about how he grew up over his dad's restaurant, then became a doctor.  So are you a chef or a doctor?

Uh-oh, a phone call.  The guy from the prologue says that he's been shot and stabbed, so he need medical and transport to a safe house.  Hey, you gave those wounds to yourself!

Chef grabs Mom, and they pick up the guy in their van (which is equipped with ambulance supplies) and drive him to a nondescript building. 

Left: Yul is played by Anand Batbileg Chuluunbataar, which sounds Mongolian.  He has nine acting credits on the IMDB.

Scene 2:  In the safe house, Mom complains that she can't find the guy online. No face recognition, no nothing.  His story doesn't check out either, and he won't tell them who his handler is. 

They discuss whether to believe his story, and then whether their daughter is old enough to go out to the clubs by herself tonight (it's still the night of her birthday dinner).

 "She isn't alone -- Yul is with her."  The guy who was helping Dad cook.  Is he a servant or a boyfriend?

Scene 3:At German Foreign Intelligence Headquarters, the Boss (Laurence Rupp)  asks for intel on both key players. 

Vera Koleev is set to become the Russian ambassador to Germany, although she has no diplomatic experience.  They think she is just a cover for her husband Josef's espionage activity.  But the German higher-ups need evidence to have them deported.  

An old acquaintance is coming in to help them gather the evidence.

Cue a shoe getting out of a car.  I figured it would be the Chef, but it's Grigor Klein (Henry Hübchen), their former Department Head. He looks at surveillance footage of Josef Koleev, the suspected spy, at a Berlin bus station half an hour ago.  He was scheduled to come in legally in a few weeks anyway, so why sneak in now?  Grigor has no idea.

Laurence Rupp's backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Scene 4: At the safe house, Mom interrogates the wounded agent.  He explains that he worked for a high-end security firm, and stole something.  They objected, and shot him.  Now he needs to vanish. 

Why did he call Chef?   "A lady I knew needed to vanish once, and she told me about your service."

They flirt with each other.  Or else Mom is flirting with him to gain his trust.

She feeds him.  "This food is good.  Did you or your brother make it?"

This surprises Mom, so she makes an excuse to leave the room, and calls Chef: "He thinks we're brother and sister.  The last time we played siblings was on the mission to Belarus 16 years ago!"

Meanwhile, the Agent grabs her fingerprints off her water glass. She watches the action on her spycam. 

Scene 6: The mission to Belarus.  They enter a farmhouse, but Russian Spy Josef (Samuel Finzi, left) is gone, and everyone is dead except Grigor, who was shot in the stomach. They manage to save Grigor -- and the baby of a pregnant dead woman.  It's their daughter, who is going out to the clubs to celebrate her sixteenth birthday!  So this happened exactly sixteen years ago.  

Back to the present: Mom tells Chef that she'll interrogate the Agent to find out who he's working for, but meanwhile their daughter is in danger.  "Go find her and bring her home."

"But she's not answering her phone, and I don't know which club she's going to"  So use your spy skills.

More after the break

Kenton Duty: The "Shake It Up" star shakes it up with Christian soap operas and n*de videos

  

Link to the n*de photos

Some former teen stars retain their cuteness through their 20s, 30s, 40s, and on.  Others move from "dreamy" to "meh," and an unfortunate few turn into gorgons.   I'll leave it to you to decide what happened to Kenton Duty.  

Yes, that's his real name.

Born in 1995, Kenton began acting at the age of nine, and first appeared on screen at age eleven.  He drew fan attention in 2010 for a ridiculous background story on the paranormal Lost: in the first century CE, a Roman woman is shipwrecked on the floating island, has twin sons, Jacob and ___.  Christians and Jews were a tiny minority at the time.  How does she know the Jewish name?   For the rest of the plot arc, everyone refuses to say the name of the other brother, although it obviously has to be Esau.  

This led to Shake It Up (2010-12), a slight variation on the usual Disney teencom format.  Instead of a girl who wants to be a singer, it featured two girls who want to be dancers. Kenton played the German-stereotype Gunther Hessenheffer, who dances with his sister Tinka.  According to the fan wiki, he is "flamboyant, fashion-conscious, theatrical," with a gay-subtext firendship with Ty Blue (Roshon Feagan) but straight, dating and crushing on a number of girls.

You might expect some gay characters or subtexts in Contest (2013), where a  bully and his queer-coded victim (Kenton, left, Daniel Flanagan, not shown) work together to win a contest, but the victim gets a girl.

We do see a lot of Kenton's physique, and Phil of the Future's Raviv Ullman appears.

Don't get excited. It's Guys Night (2015) is a two-minute short in which the guys get a girl to join them.  Why would two guys want to spend time alone?

Kenton's most significant role in the post-Shake It Up era is in the Christian soap Hilton Head Island (2017-19). Michael Swan stars as the dying patriarch of a clan scheming to get their hands on his media empire. Kenton plays a grandson. 

He's done some other Christian tv series, like The Encounter (Jesus steps in to solve people's problems), but also some secular stuff, like Filthy Preppy Teens and A Housekeeper's Revenge.

More after the break

"Journey to the Beginning of Time": Four boys fight dinosaurs in the early years of their lives, before Jules Verne, Sinbad, and "What girl do you like?"

During the 1970s, our local afternoon kid's show, Captain Ernie's Cartoon Showboat, played a serial called Journey to the Beginning of Time, about four boys on a field trip to the Museum of Natural History in New York who find a secret passage leading to a mysterious river. They paddle down the river through different geological eras, rescuing each other from mastodons and dinosaurs, learning to survive in the prehistoric wilderness.  

Finally they pass the Precambrian Era and see the dazzling psychedelic fireworks of the Earth's creation.

The serial made no sense.  The boys' costumes and hair styles changed; they got taller and shorter; the voice-over narration didn't match the action; no one wonders how they're going to get back home again; and where did boys visiting a museum get a boat, anyway?

Still, it became one of the iconic images of my childhood, maybe because it made no sense.  It was a puzzle, a mystery to be unraveled, and that puzzle involved boys facing the world together.

  In a pivotal scene, Doc loses the diary with his scientific notes of the journey, and Jo-Jo fights off a dinosaur to retrieve it.  Their subsequent moment of emotional intimacy reverberated through my childhood.

Turns out that in 1955, Czech filmmaker Karel Zeman wrote and directed Cesta do praveku ("Journey to Prehistory"), based on Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth: four boys find a living trilobite, which should have gone extinct 251 million years ago.  This propels them to their journey through time.

In 1966, William Cayton took the river sequences and filmed then filmed new opening and closing segments in the United States with different boys, figuring that the dumb kids in his target audience would never notice.  He then chopped it into installments to rent to after-school cartoon shows like Garfield Goose in Chicago -- and Captain Ernie's Cartoon Showboat.

 I noticed, but I didn't care. I was busy watching the boys bonding with each other through science fiction adventure.

1. Doc/Petr: Josef Lukás (born 1939).  This is is only film appearance.

2. Jo-Jo/Jirka: Vladimír Bejval (1942-2011) has 17 acting credits, all between 1949 and 1957, except for a 1995 tv series, where he played a doctor.

3. Ben/Tonik: Petr Herrman (1938-2018). 14 acting credits, ending in 2009.

4. Zenda: Zdenek Hustak (1940-2015).  This is his only film appearance. 

There is little or no information about any of them online, but I doubt that they would have any gay-subtext roles in Communist Czechoslovakia.

What about director Karel Zeman (1910-1989)?

He is lauded as one of the greatest animators of the 20th century; there is a Karel Zeman Museum near the Charles Bridge in Prague.

His other works available with English subtitles are:

Vynález zkázy (1958), based on Jules Verne's Facing the Flag, translated as The Fabulous World of Jules Verne.  Some pirates capture the inventor of a fabulous weapon. who falls in love.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 3.2: Kelvin's buddies, gay Percy, two toxic families, and some n*de soldiers

Link to the NSFW version

Episode 3.2 introduces Eli's estranged brother-in-law Peter Montgomery, his sons, and a disturbing super-macho mirror of Kelvin's God Squad.

Title: "But Esau Ran to Meet Him," from Genesis 33.4.  Jacob has tricked his father Isaac into giving him the inheritance.  Esau is furious and vows to kill him, so he flees.  When he returns after 20 years, Esau behaves as if he is happy to see him, but....

Stephen's abusive wife:  Stephen, who was fired as Judy's guitarist after her brothers discovered their affair, is trying to tell his wife Kristy that he was "laid off," not fired.  She doesn't buy it.  It's a highly abusive relationship: she calls him "an unemployed, cokehead piece of sh*twho sulks all day."  He screams "Fuck you!", and she hits him with a glass blender.  Shattered glass all over his face and head, in front of the kids!  Whoa, scary.  The Gemstones and their partners argue, but they never use abusive language or physical violence.  Except for the time that Amber shot Jesse in the backside 

Later, Judy meets Stephen at Spanky's Cafe, a real restaurant in North Charleston, and offers him $10,000 to leave her alone: "I don't want to see you no' mo'."  But he still wants her.  Judy points out that he's married, but it doesn't matter: "I'd leave my family in a second if I could have you.  I'd murder them." Say what?  This guy is a psycho. Of course, he should leave his abusive wife, but murder her...and the kids?

Kelvin's Buddies:  Jesse and Amber's adult son Gideon, who moved to California to become a stuntman, is back, lying on the veranda in a bathrobe, smoking a cigarette, holding a box of Lucky Charms cereal, and sulking.  The background song by Buddy Knox tells us: "I think I'm going to kill myself."  He injured his neck, and may never do stunt work, tumbling, or martial arts again.  At least he's displaying a nice chest.

Background alert: Skyler Gisondo injured his neck in real life in 2022, when his hair stylist gave him a "little neck massage."  They wrote his injury into the script.

In a much, much nicer parallel to the Stephen-Mandy confrontation, Gideon's parents order him to stop feeling sorry for himself, get off his backside, and go to work for the church.  But he doesn't want to preach.  Ok, so he can become Eli's driver. Remember that the long-term driver, Walker, was fired.

We cut to Gideon on his first assignment, driving Eli and the siblings to see if May-May's kids are ok.  They are living with her estranged husband, Peter Montgomery, and his militia, the Brotherhood of Tomorrow's Fires: they expect end of civilization, like Eli's Y2K scare back in 1999.   Eli calles them preppers: "They want to make sure they don't run out of toilet paper."

Usually Evangelicals believe in the Rapture, when Jesus zaps everyone who is saved to Heaven, leaving the unsaved to suffer through seven years of the dystopian Tribulation before being sent to hell.  To this day, I will not let anyone stamp my hand for re-entry into an event, because  the Mark of the Beast was drummed into my head.  But Eli and Peter apparently have a different belief system.

On the way to the compound, at the defunct Boy Scout Camp Wooden Feather, the siblings discuss their cousins, Karl and Chuck.  Kelvin says that he always found them "kind of dumb and strange."  But you haven't seen them since 2000, when you were ten or eleven.  How much do you remember?

Judy: "That's why I'm surprised you weren't b utt buddies with them."  

He gets annoyed, not because she alludes to him being gay but because she implied that he's also "dumb and strange," and therefore perfect for the Montgomerys.

Not the God Squad:  Bizarre signs like "Now we will see" greet the family, along with multiple armed guards.  They pass Jacob (Stephen Louis Grush) cutting up a deer.  Kelvin smiles at him -- think he's hot, buddy?.  Then a military-style obstacle course;  guys practicing martial arts; a guy taking a shower outdoors (no beefcake); and finally the mess hall, where about thirty militia men are having lunch.

Wait -- no women and children?  The actual far-right militia movement has many female participants, but this is a male-only space, like Kelvin's God Squad in Season 2, but with scruffy guys in military fatigues instead of flexing musclemen.  It is dedicated to phileo instead of eros, buddy-bonding instead of homoerotic desire. An article on Doomsday Preppers notes that these male-only groups "cultivate a dangerous vision of apocalyptic manhood that consummates a fantasy of national virility in the demise of feminine society."  Women are weak and fragile, their civilization doomed. Only the "manly love of comrades" can survive the Apocalypse. 

May-May's son Chuck ushers Eli and the siblings in. They are greeted by Cousin Karl (Robert Oberst), who is delighted to see them; and Uncle Peter (Steve Zahn, below), who is not.  It's time for church, so get out!  No, the siblings offer to help lead the service: Jesse will preach, Judy will sing, and Kelvin will  perform some "feats of strength" for the kids -- the only time he references his muscles during the season.  No kids around, but maybe the militia guys would like to see some masculine beauty.   

Uncle Peter rejects the siblings' offer.  They are "phony fakers," entertainers, interested in making money rather than saving souls. 

More military guys after the break

Ruben Reuter: The wacky drug dealer of "Pushers," "Lord of the Flies" Percy, Channel 4 Journalist, Short Guy with a d*ck

Link to the n*de dudes

I was researching Ryan McParland, the Irish actor who plays the younger brother on How to Get to Heaven from Belfast, and I found a cast photo from Pushers (2025), a Channel 4 comedy. With two short guys.

Two short guys?  I'm definitely watching this show!

Turns out that Pushers is not available to stream in the U.S., but I watched some clips on Youtube.  

It stars Rosie Jones  as Emily Dawkins, a woman with cerebral palsy who loses her benefits and needs some way to make money -- and impress her crush (a lady). Enter lovable doofus Ewen (Ryan McParland), who wants to "make money fast" in the amateur drug-dealing game.  He notices that Emily is invisible; people are disturbed by her disability, and pretend not to see her.  A perfect drug runner!

Emily suggests using her charity, Wee CU (providing accessible toilets), as a cover for the drug business.  And she recruits some other disabled people for the crew:

Hope (Libby Mae) handles the money-laundering, and pushes to expand the business into spice (an artificial cannabinoid).

Sam (Jon Furlong, in the back) became aggressive during her first drug sale, so she hired him as the muscle. He's garrulous and rather a tipster.

Harry (Ruben Reuter, hugging Ryan) wanted to make a documentary about the experience, but they reject the idea.  He handles the website and  the social media.

Trevor Dwyer-Lynch of Coronation Street (right) plays Masir, who provides the minivan.

Harry is an actor, dancer, and filmmaker (his dream is to direct Hollyoakes).  

In the first clip I watched, Harry and Ewan are hiding from a real drug lord - the kind that cuts your d*ck off -- and he suggests disguising themselves with drag.  He's an expert on hairstyling and makeup.   

Ewan: "F*cking hell, I look like me nan."

Harry: "No, you're attractive."

Ewan "Are you saying me nan ain't attractive?"

In another clip, the gang interviews for their jobs. Harry says that he's working at a pub with his Dad, but he wants to make enough money to ask his boyfriend Kevin to marry him.

A gay character!  They already had a lesbian character, so there's really no reason to make Harry gay -- unless the actor is gay in real life.

Ruben Reuter was born in 2000 in Huddersfield, Yorkshire.  He has eight previous on-screen acting credits, most significantly the teen soap The Dumping Ground (2015-2024).  His character, Finn, was hetero, but he also may have a gay-subtext buddy-bond with Harry (Philip Graham Scott).

A n*de Yorkshire guy to tide you over on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

More after the break.  

Mason Cook: The "Speechless" kid grows up, turns bohemian-hipster, builds biceps, and bares it all

  

Link to the n*de photos

You're probably most familiar with Mason Cook as Ray DiMeo, sarcastic younger brother of focus character JJ (Micah Fowler) on Speechless (2015-18).  JJ has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, "speechless."

Ray gets a lot of gay subtext plotlines, at least in Season 1.  In Season 2, he becomes annoyingly hetero-horny, and eventually gets a serious girlfriend. 

Ray's sudden movement into hetero-horniness was disturbing not only because the gay teases were overturned, but because of the "discovering girls" rhetoric. Mason is over 18 at the time, but his character is 15.  When I was 15, all I ever heard was "You'll discover girls any moment now, and everything you love will become meaningless. You'll join clubs, take classes, choose your college solely in order to see or meet girls. Your buddies will become mere strategists, helping you find, impress, and win girls. You..."

Sorry for the rant, but I really felt betrayed by Ray DiMeo in the second season.  

So you may wonder why I'm posting a profile on Mason Cook

Not because of his gay or gay-subtext performances.

Born in 2000

Guest star in teencoms like Zeke and Luther

Son of the focus charater in the crime drama Legends

Classmate of the focus character on The Middle

 An "eccentric, devout Christian" who has sex with the focus girl, sending her rushing for a "morning after pill," in Plan B.  This was nominated for a GLAAD award because a major character is trans, but Mason is straight.

Not because of his physique.  

The few shirtless photos on Mason's social media suggest that he doesn't spend a lot of time at the gym.

Although he has developed some biceps recently.

More after the break

"How to Get to Heaven from Belfast": Dark secrets, twisting plots, hunky guys, bulges, and d*cks. And the Irish countryside

 Link to the n*de photos

Belfast has the reputation of being cold, dark, and grim.  Its main tourist attractions are the Peace Wall,  dedicated to the memory of the Troubles, and a museum showcasing the Titanic.  Not many people's idea of a proper craic, innit?  But it has a thriving LGBTQ community, with bars, restaurants, saunas, and a community center.

I heard that How to Get to Heaven from Belfast (2026), on Netflix, is a must-see, and I liked Lisa McGee's previous series, Derry Girls, so here we go with Episode 1, "The Wake" (a party held after the funeral, usually with a viewing of the body).

Prologue:  Night, with a view of the city.  Three people with flashlights find their way to isolated cabin, where a teenage girl is sitting in a pit.

Scene 1: 20 Years later: In Belfast, the highly butch Dara explains why she hates her mother in a very tight closeup, so tight that it is painful to watch.  The camera pulls away, and she is telling all this to the server at a coffee shop!

Meanwhile, Soccer Mom Robyn is driving while her two bratty preteens squabble in the back seat. She finds them so annoying that she bangs her head repeatedly against the steering wheel until it's bloody -- no, just a fantasy.

In London, Saoirse (pronounced Sheer-Shah), a writer for a hit tv show about a woman solving murders, is at lunch with two women and a man, who tell her that she should write stories with no murders. "But the name of the show is Murder Code!"  She finds the suggestion ridiculous, and storms off, bringing the man with her.  She wanted to be a playwright, but now she's writing crap.  If the man is actually her boyfriend, heterosexual identity established at Minute 7.

All three get emails from the sister-in-law of their friend Greta: she has died.  They decide to go to her village in Donegal County, Ireland, for the wake.

Scene 2: Butch Dara and gives her sister instructions on how to take care of their super-cranky mother.  She is picked up by Soccer Mom Robyn.  They get all weepy when Greta's favorite song plays on the radio: "Hot in Herre" (2002) by Nelly, whose name is a homophobic slur but is not actually homophobic.

While writer Saoirse flies in from London, she looks at photos of the Dead Friend Greta and her boyfriend on her phone.  Heterosexual identity established at minute 10.  The flight attendant morphs into the girl in the pit,  probably Greta, and asks "Can I tell you a secret?"  They must have killed the guy who kidnapped Greta and put her in the pit.

Scene 3: The two friends pick up Writer Saoirse at the Belfast Airport, and criticize her outfit. They discuss why they want to go to the wake: to assuage their guilt over not contacting their friend for 20 years, and to get a break from their current crises (hating their Mom, kids, and job, respectively).  Then on through the scenic countryside to Donegal (100 miles from Belfast, but in another country). 

Back story: Writer Saiorse is getting married, but not to the guy she had lunch with.  Her fiance is Seb (Tom Basden).  The other two are pushing their way into being bridesmaids.

Scene 4: Uh-oh, at a gas station, they put petrol instead of diesel in the tank, so they stall a few miles from their destination, Knockdara (fictional).  The Recovery Service guy, Liam (Darragh Hand), makes a joke about Belfast people being violent and dangerous, which doesn't sit well with two of them.  He flirts with Writer Saoirse.

The car needs its whole fuel system replaced, so Liam tows them into town, and the flirting continues.

Turns out that he knew their dead friend, Greta!  Her husband, Owen, is his boss!  Well, it's a small town.

Scene 5: The flamboyant desk clerk at the hotel (maybe Owen Mallon, top photo) also knew Greta, and explains how she died: fell down a flight of stairs and broke her neck.

Instead of trying to walk the 2-3 miles to her house, he suggests they spend the night and set out the morning.  They could go to the 1990s-themed disco, "The Naughty Nineties."  It's so popular that teenagers bus in from Letterkenny (I didn't know that was a real place).

Scene 6: In the hotel room, Writer Saiorse checks Dead Friend Greta's Facebook page. It's been taken down.  This disturbs here.  

And Soccer Mom Robyn gets a phone call that consists of eerie static.

They all take showers (no lady parts).  We see a mysterious tattoo on their back, neck, and wrist.

Scene 7: At dinner, they discuss how "you can't go home again."  Time changes you.  The woman who died was not the girl they knew in high school; she was a stranger.

 Writer Saoirse goes outside to smoke and be depressed, and runs into Liam, now a member of the Garda.  He explains that he works for his uncle at the auto shop, and for their friend Greta's husband as a cop.  So, are you also the mayor and town veterinarian?  And the car is ready.

They gaze at each other for a long time.  I don't get it.  There were three women in the car.  How did he decide that he was only interested in Saoirse?  Is it recognizing your soul mate?  

He walks away, then returns to give her a slip of paper.  She thinks it's his phone number, but it's the bill for the car service, har har.

More after the break

Bryce Biederman: Stuntman for the X-Men, b*tt double for a time traveler, Jersey boy with a boyfriend and a d*ck

  

Link to the n*de photos

Sometimes misdirections are deliberate.  The witch jumping into the lake in the first scene of The Way Home is obviously meant to draw in viewers interested in the paranormal.  The cover blurb of Samuel, with what looks like two boys kissing, is an obvious attempt to draw in gay viewers. 

But the photo (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)  is just a matter of misinterpretation.  It certainly looks like a teenager (Bryce Biederman) assaulting another boy: notice the masculine face, the short hair, and the shirt and pants.  But I doubted that it was a boy right away.  They're not in the right position, and in movies, men outside of prison are always assaulted by women (and the act is treated as a joke: "Why are you complaining?  You were so lucky!").  

It's a flashback scene in The Housemaid (2025), where focus character Millie kills a fratboy who is assaulting her classmate -- the girl is actually wearing an androgynous school uniform, and her hair is lost in the shadows.  But my belief -- however momentary -- that a gay assault was happening, plus the fratboy's very nice backside,  prompted me to research actor Bryce Biederman.   

Bryce was born in 1990 in Weehawken, New Jersey., across from midtown Manhattan, and now he lives in Garrison, across the river from West Point.  He got a B.A. in Cinematography and Film Production, with a minor in psychology, from American University in 2013, then went to stunt school.

He's had a few acting gigs, such as Coleman Lawson, a coffee shop employee murdered on Gotham (2013),  but  his career is been mostly in stunting.  111 stunting credits listed on the IMDB, too many to investigate for gay content.  The most important are X-Men Apocalypse (2016),  Okja (2017), The Irishman (2018), and West Side Story (2021), where he stunt doubled for John Michael.

 

Gay fans might be more interested in his work on The Time Traveler's Wife (2022) as Theo James' stunt double.  He falls n*de out of a window into heavy traffic.

Don't worry, Theo James shows us his real d*ck and backside in less dangerous scenes (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Bryce has provided the action scenes (and occasionally the nude scenes) for may male actors, including Alan Cumming, Bobby Cannavale, Carter Jenkins, Frank Grillo, Hugh Dancy, Jack Huston, Josh Bowman, Peter Scanavino, Ryan Cooper, Ryan Mccartan, John Berenthal...I got tired of listing them all.

More after the break

Easter Island: Phallic Statues and Penis Festivals

If you thought Mongolia was remote for Westerners, try Easter Island (aka Rapa Nui).  From New York, you fly to Miami, then to Panama City, and finally to Santiago, Chile (about 24 hours).  From there, only one airline flies to the town of Hanga Roa on Rapa Nui, once a day (about 6 hours).

It's a tiny island, about 15 miles long and 8 miles wide, alone in the Pacific Ocean, probably settled from the Marquesas Islands, 2000 miles away.

Once the early Polynesians got there, they became very interested in the penis.

1. Most Rapa Nui men incorporated the word Ure, "Penis," into their names, but in the 19th century Christian missionaries put an end to the practice.

2. The Moai, "Easter Island Heads," are actually complete torsos, over 800 of them, 20-30 feet high, weighing over 80 tons, sculpted and installed over a period of 300 years (1200-1500 AD).  They took so much time and energy that the islanders had little time left for other pursuits, and so many trees were felled to facilitate transport that the island is now almost entirely treeless.

The noses of the figures have often been interpreted as phallic symbols.  Indeed, some scholars interpret the Moai themselves as giant phallic symbols, representing the sexual potency of the Rapa Nui men. There's a legend still common on the island that a penis served as the model.

3. Rongo Rongo, the Easter Island script, appears on dozens of tablets and ceremonial objects.  By the time the Europeans arrived, no islander remembered how to read it, and it remains untranslated.  But at least one of the glyphs is called "Tangata Ure Huki" "Man with Erect Penis"

4. The Tapati Fesival, held every year during the first two weeks of February, is a celebration of the island's history, culture, and penises.  There are parades, dances, athletic contests like haka pei (sliding down a mountainside on a tree trunk), and a race called the Tau'a Rapa Nui: men wearing only skimpy loincloths race through town carrying bunches of phallic-symbol bananas.

Male Nudity in Italian Class

The only good thing about Hell-fer-Sartain, Texas, where I taught at a horrible state college after getting my M.A., was the free tuition for faculty.  There wasn't a lot at that I wanted to take, but they did offer Italian.

It didn't start out well:
Roger e un ragazzo americano. Maria e una ragazza italiana. Roger e Maria sono amici. . .

Roger is an American boy visiting Italy. He goes to a café and tries to pick up a local girl. In the first lesson we learned “What is your name?”, "Your country is beautiful," and "How old are you."

Roger learns the time so he won’t be late for the cinema, learns the names of food so he can order in the restaurant, gets an overview of national history as they tour the museums.  In Chapter 10, we learn the Italian word for "kiss" (bacio).

Why do even language-learning dialogues have to be about  boys and girls gazing at each other?  

I never thought of Italy as a "good place."  The only fiction I read about Italian men  in love was The Little World of Don Camillo, and movies set in Italy seemed to involve mostly horny heterosexuals: Roman Holiday (1953), La Dolce Vita (1960),  Island of Love (1963).  Pasolini was gay in real life, but his moves were entirely heterosexist.  I had never seen Ernesto (1979).

But one weekend I drove two hours into Houston, to the Wilde-and-Stein Bookstore, and bought Ganymede in the Renaissance, about how Renaissance artists used the myth of Ganymede, a mortal boy swept up by Zeus to become his catamite.

And I discovered a whole gay world in Renaissance Italy, artists, writers, statesmen.

1. Leonardo Da Vinci. He gets a girlfriend in modern straightwashing biopics, but he was gay.

2. Michelangelo.  He gets straightwashed a lot, too. 

3. Donatello, who sculpted the famously effeminate David, a counterpart to Michelangelo's more macho version.

4. Benvenuto Cellini.  His Autobiography was on the list of recommended readings in my class in Renaissance History in college.  I didn't read it, and the professor never said a word.

5. Caravaggio, played by Dexter Fletcher and Nigel Terry in the 1986 movie.

6. Aretino, who wrote Il Marescalco, about a gay man forced to marry a woman, but fortunately she turns out to be a man.

7. Ariosto.  I bought his Orlando Furioso in a Ballantine Adult Fantasy edition, but it was about winning The Girl.

8. Matteo Bandello, who wrote 12 Novelle, one about a gay man.

9. The painter Giovanni Antonio Bazzi, nicknamed "Il Sodoma"



See also:  "Da Vinci's Demons": An absurdly heterosexual Da Vinci, a bi guy who only likes ladies, two monstrous gay predators

Pasolini's "Arabian Nights": The less well-known tales told with pe* nises and homophobia

"Caravaggio's Shadow": As time goes by, the gay Baroque painter becomes more and more straight. With n*de Italian men

Gemstones Episode 3.1: Kelvin collects censored stuff. With Nick Vardakas, toys, and Peruvian guys

 

Link to the not fully clothed dudes

This review has been sitting for a year, with no problem with the idjit censors.  I put it in the top position, and zap! zap!  Think of the children.  So let's try again.

Title: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You."  Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I hope so, because this season gets very dark.

Rogers County Fair, 2000:  The teenage Jesse Gemstone is announcing a demolition derby featuring his monster truck, the Redeemer, while his parents, megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone and his wife Aimee-Leigh, argue: the Redeemer is putting people in seats, but is this really appropriate for a Christian ministry?   What are we going to do next, sell beer?  At that moment, a muscle hunk comes by selling beer!

While Aimee-Leigh is off smoking a cigarette, May-May, a shabbily-dressed middle-aged woman, approaches, furious: "You pretend to be all sweet and caring, but I know the truth -- what you done to my family."  She attacks; Aimee-Leigh runs through the crowd, screaming for help, but May-May catches up and hits her with a wrench. 

As she lies bleeding on the ground, a car hits -- May-May! 

Eli Retires: Present day. Time to introduce the main conflicts of the season.  First up: the now-elderly Eli is hanging out with his Mason-like Cape and Pistol Society. They ask how he's enjoying his retirement.  Actually, he's only semi-retired: he's writing another autobiography and taking speaking engagements, but his kids are running the church. Gulp!  His friend: "You scared your kids are gonna screw it up?"  

Cut to Zion's Landing, the Gemstones' Christian-themed resort. The 42-year old Jesse and his crew confront Eli's driver.  In joke: his name is Walker!  He squealed to the press about the dwindling membership and donations since the kids took over, so they beat him up and fire him. Pretending to have never seen these characters before, I am shocked.  Christian ministers are often shady and hypocritical, but violent? What if someone sees?

A Cold Fish Kiss: Eli's second child, Judy, is now a famous singer.  She has just returned from a tour, and her husband BJ wants to snuggle, but she yells at him for pressuring her, gives him a "cold fish kiss," and runs out again.  Uh-oh, marital trouble.

Sm*t Busters: The primary conflict, judging from the amount of air time Kelvin and Keefe are buying out the inventory of some censored stores, so they won't be able to sell them.  Yes, I know the logic.  We see some kids, including Nick Vardakas, examining some of the toys.    

They ask the kids and adult volunteer Taryn to join them in their chant, which promises that avoiding the inventory of  the stores will reduce the likelihood of "coconuts."   

After extensive research, I conclude that "coconuts" doesn't have a symbolic meaning  It was chosen for  its near-rhyme. The chant reflects the playground phrase "no buts, no cuts, no coconuts" (no cutting in line), and its variation, "No ifs, no buts, no coconuts" (no disagreeing).

So the main conflicts of the season will involve the transition of power, marital problems, and coming out. 

The Primitive Tribe: At church, the siblings are bragging about their missionary trip, where they brought Lasik Surgery to an isolated tribe in the Amazon. 

They are completely clueless; surgery to correct astigmatism must be the most trivial of the group's medical needs.  Plus the depiction of a "primitive tribe" veers uncomfortably close to racism.

Old Slow-Eyes: Then Sunday dinner at Jason's Steak House. They argue about who is responsible for the decline in church members and donations since Eli stepped down, then about church leadership: Jesse thinks that he should be the sole leader, but the others think that they should lead together. 

Jesse criticizes the store project -- preventing truck drivers from getting toys but not doing anything to help the church.  Kelvin says that they have bought up the inventory of 16 stores along the I-95 corridor.

Geography alert: The I-95 corridor  runs through South Carolina about 50 miles from the ocean. The nearest junction is an hour's drive from Charleston.  That's a long drive just to pick up some toys

Next on the agenda:  A wealthy donor, famous racecar driver Dusty Daniels (Shea Whigham) planned to bequeath his entire $200 million fortune to the church.  But now that Eli has stepped down, he will be going with the rival Simpkins family instead.  Uh-oh,  the church can't afford to lose this!

The Evil Simpkins:  The siblings visit Dusty at his private racetrack to convince him to change his mind, but he thinks that the Simpkins display more fraternal affection.  The Gemstones can't even hold hands properly (this will become important later).  

Queer code: Jesse accuses Kelvin of using Botox to maintain his youthful appearance.  Most Botox users are in their 40s and 50s, much older than Kelvin, suggesting gay-coded vanity.  Plus 85% are women.

Kelvin keeps fiddling with a ring on his wedding-ring finger, to draw viewer attention to it. Are he and Keefe actually married?

The Simpkins arrive: two brothers and a sister, about the same age as the Gemstones (including Gogo Lomo-David, below).  They have no trouble holding hands! Plus they are self-made millionaire pastors -- they didn't inherit a dynasty..  

Shay Simpkins flirts with Dusty, so Judy says that she also finds him hot.  Kelvin nods his agreement.  Wait - how out is he?  Dusty, openly bi, returns the compliment: "All y'all look good, but this ain't about looks."  Kelvin: "That's a good thing because if it were, we'd win by a mile."  They flex and posture.

Ok, Dusty says, why don't you battle for me?  In stock cars. He's putting himself in a feminine role: traditionally suitors compete for the attention of a young lady.  

Jesse against Craig Simpkins, who claims that he has no experience. Uh-oh, he means he's not experienced in the basic stock cars used in NASCAR racing.  He's an expert in the more advanced Formula 1 cars.

There isn't even a race: Jesse stalls and then spins out.  The fortune goes to the Simpkins! 

Next we'll find out more about May-May, the lady with the wrench, and the marital squabbles.

More after the break

Aaron Altaras: Drag boy, gay soccer player, lots of Jewish teenagers, spy. With his backside, his boyfriend's d*ck, and the Musee d'Orsay

  

Link to the n*de photos

Aaron Antares drew my attention because I keep wanting to say Antares, the giant star about to go supernova, and because of this photo of a muscular swimmer.

And this photo where the boy is wearing a red bra (surprisingly, just his size).

Aaron was born in Berlin in 1995, to a show biz family.  Of Croatian Jewish ancestry, he first achieved recognition in Nicht alle waren Mörder (Not All Were Murderers, 2006), about a Jewish boy in Nazi Germany.  

The bra scene is from the short Höllenritt (Rollercoaster, 2008).  My German has gotten very rusty, but I gather that Jakob's parents are divorced, and Dad and his new girlfriend don't want anything to do with him except for pushing him into football (socccer), which he hates. So he and his friends  start the "Dad is an Arsehole" club and think of mean pranks to play.  He gets a bra somehow, sleeps with it, and in the morning tries it on.  Dad catches him and looks surprised, but then says "Ok."  

In the next scene, Jacob and dad's girlfriend are standing on a rooftop, both wearing red bras, when superman Dad swoops down, and chooses her!  He wakes up screaming.

I'm not sure if the bra is one of the pranks, which would be homophobic or transphobic, or if the boy is really exploring his gender identity,  He wears Superman underwear (censored), and there are stars hanging over his bed, if that helps you figure it out.

After movies about Jewish teenagers in Nazi Germany and an Orthodox Jewish woman in contemporary Berlin, Aaron starred in Mario (2018): two football players (Aaron, Max Hubacher) fall in love, which is completely forbidden, so they have to keep it a secret.  According to OutSports, 29 male soccer players have come out, but most long after 2018. 

Sounds like that hockey player series from 2026, but not as steamy. At least we see Aaron's backside.  Or is it Max's?

Also Max's d*ck, on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Since Mario, Aaron has starred in several tv series:

A juvenile delinquent sent on a team-building expedition to the Alps in Wild Republic (2021). 

An intern in Legal Affairs (2021), about a lawyer who doesn't play by the rules.

The son of a Jewish family in contemporary Germany in Die Zweiflers (2024).  He falls in love with a non-Jewish woman, which causes tension, especially when she doesn't want their son circumcized.

More after the break