The one thing I learned from studying literature at Augustana College, Indiana University, and USC:
Writers must never, ever be gay.
If their gayness is undeniable, it is a trivial thing, not worth mentioning, as irrelevant to their art as their preference for marshmallow sundaes.
If it is deniable, it will be denied. Diaries, journals, and stories will be scrutinized, and the most fleeting reference to a woman will be pointed out triumphantly: "See? See? See? He mentions a woman! He can't possibly have been gay!"
And the strongest, most passionate, most intense same-sex friendships will be ignored. "He never mentions that they did anything in the bedroom! Not gay!"
Like Franz Kafka (1883-1924), author of The Metamorphosis, which everyone has to read in high school (the one with the giant cockroach).
The Trial, an existentialist classic: everyone is on trial, but we don't know the charge, and the rules keep changing. Josef K. has been played by gay actor Anthony Perkins, and Kyle MacLachlan (above).
The Castle: I haven't actually read it, but the onerous red tape necessary to gain access to the bureaucracy sounds like going to the DMV. K has been played by Maximilian Schell, Nikolai Stoltsky, and Ulrich Muhe.
Movies about Kafka, starring Jorge Marrale (1988), Jeremy Irons (1991), and Idan Weiss (2025), invariably center his life on the Woman of His Dreams.
More after the break
But Kafka has a substantial gay connection.
1. Gay symbolism in the stories.
The Metamorphosis: Your relatives are shocked to discover that you have turned into a disgusting, slithering monster (like when homophobes discover that you are gay).
The Trial: You are arrested by unspecified agents of an unspecified government agency for an unspecified crime (like homophobes putting you on trial for making a "choice" that you never made to do evil that isn't evil).
2. In a 1917 book, psychiatrist Wilhelm Steckel analyzes The Metamorphosis as an evocation of gay self-hatred. Kafka did not deny the theory, and even wrote to his friend Felix Weltsch to ask his opinion.
3. Kafka was thoroughly disgusted by the idea of doing bedroom things with women. He preferred to court them by letter, so they wouldn't need any physical contact. He writes in his diary of a nightmare in which a woman gropes him and tries to tear his clothes off, while he is struggling desperately and screaming "Let me go!"
Does that sound like a straight guy?
4. He was immersed in the Physical Culture movement of early 20th century Germany, which idolized the young male body and sang the praises of gay activity.5. He tried to read The Role of Er*ticism in Male Society (1917), an early gay history by Hans Bluher, but had to put it aside for a couple of days because it was too "exciting."
6. He had crushes on guys throughout his life. In 1914 he saw 24-year old writer Franz Werfel (left) in a coffee house, and rhapsodized over "the beautiful profile of his face pressed against his chest." Later he dreamed that he kissed Werfel.
7. At the age of 19, he modeled for a painting St. Sebastian, the Christian saint who was arrowed to death (top photo, not Kafka). Throughout history, images of St. Sebastian have been renowned for their blatant homoeroticism. I've never heard of a model for St. Sebastian who wasn't gay (Yukio Mishima also posed).
9. Kafka was also a close friend of philosopher Felix Weltsch (1884-1964), who wrote about anti-Semitism in a way that presages current views about homophobia.
10. He lived in Prague, a city which now has more n*de male statues per square mile than any other city in the world. This one is in the courtyard of Prague Castle. You're supposed to rub it for good luck.
See also: "Twin Peaks: The Return": Paranormal weirdness, 25 years later. See if you can figure it out.
Sage Ftacek: "Sweethearts" Short Brigade Stud from Anoka, with a BFA, some Tiktok videos, and a d*ck
