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Link to the n*de dudes
Wonder Man (2026) has two contradictory premise descriptions. On Disney Plus, it's about "two actors at opposite ends of their careers" (Yahya Abdul-Mateen, Ben Kingsley), so we're expecting a wry comedy-drama about show business, like Entourage.
Plus Ben is gay in real life, Yahya displayed his d*ck in Watchmen (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), and both have played gay characters, so there's bound to be some representation. And maybe some d*cks.
Scene 1: A low-budget 1960s style superhero movie, with the caped crusader Wonder Man (Dane Larson) having a poorly-choreographed fight with some evil aliens. Pull back to reveal a bored dad and fascinated son, Young Simon (Kameron J. Meadows).
Cut to the grown-up Simon (Yahya) marking up a script, then doing shuddering and squealing warm-ups. The production assistant (Talha Ehtasham) fetches him, and they walk across the entire studio, in a call-back to those backstage movies of the Golden Age of Hollywood.
They reach a university classroom set on American Horror Story. The director describes the scene: Classes are over, and Professor Harpin (Simon) is packing up his desk, when Laura enters. They discuss the Aztec God of Death. Then Laura turns into a monster and bites his head off.
Simon offers more and more nitpicking suggestions: "If I'm jealous of Laura getting tenure, should I be friendly? Shouldn't I be packing up a copy of Aztec Thought and Culture instead of Aztec Civilization?" He researched the Aztecs for one line in a cheesy movie? The director and gaffer get more and more annoyed, and finally cut the character. Your own fault, buddy.
Scene 2: Establishing shots of the Hollywood Sign, highway traffic jams (I remember those!) and people waiting in a long line to audition. Simon returns to his apartment to find guys moving everything out. His girlfriend is dumping him, and taking her stuff. Hetero identity established at minute 9:40. She explains that he is emotionally distant. As she leaves, the building shakes. Earthquake, or is Simon getting superpowers?
Scene 3: Simon goes to see Midnight Cowboy (1969), with Jon Voight as a gay-ish hustler. Getting some tips for your new career, buddy?
Simon recognizes him as Trevor, who played The Mandarin ten years ago, and Edgar Allan Poe in the 1970s.
Scene 4: They watch the movie, and are impressed by the gay-subtext romance between Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman. "Touching... moving...powerful." Afterwards, Simon annoys Trevor with his nitpicking trivia about the film; he would rather talk about Schlesinger's production of Timon of Athens.
Trevor has to leave, as he is auditioning for Wonder Man. Simon's favorite movie as a kid!
More after the break
Scene 5: Simon walks through the very big, very busy Hanover Agency, bursts into a board meeting, and announces "Did you know about the Wonder Man remake?" They're in a meeting, dude.
Left: Iman Crosson as Actor in Hallway.
Cut to an interview with the famous director Von Kovac, explaining why, after so many art movies, he is doing Wonder Man. When the original movie was made, superheroes were a fantasy, but "they're part of our lives now. What will we find when we look at Wonder Man today? " I think this is the Marvel Cinematic Universe, where superheroes exist.
Simon and his agent, Janelle, are watching on a laptop: "I was born to play this character!" That's what everyone says about everything.
"Sorry, they want Leonardo DiCaprio. Besides, you got fired from a one-line part on American Horror Story!"
Janelle calls her secretary "Baby," so I think they're a lesbian couple.
After she leaves, Simon steals the casting information from her laptop. He calls, pretending to be Janelle, and gaslights a production assistant into believing that his audition was accidentally left off the schedule.
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Scene 6: The hallway crowded with actors waiting to audition for Wonder Men or his sidekick, Barnaby. If these are open auditions, why did Janelle need to set it up for Simon?
As he is waiting, Trevor comes out of his audition (for the villain, presumably) and tells him "You're a bloody mess. You can't go in like that."
Simon explains that he's seen the original movie so many times that he can't get a handle on the subtext between Wonder Man and Barnaby. Like the gay subtext between Joe Buck and Ratso Rizzo in "Midnight Cowboy"?
"Stop overthinking. It's acting -- just say the words."
He goes in, follows Trevor's advice, and nails the audition!
N*de photos of Yahya, and Tom Mison, his co-star in Watchmen, on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.Scene 7: The guys at a bar. Trevor says that he wouldn't do it over again: "John Gielgud used to have me whip him -- and that was before we were friends." Wait -- whipping a gay guy. Does this mean that you're gay, Trevor? I figured that you were talking to a lady on the phone earlier, because men rarely call each other "sweetie."
"But how can I play a character without knowing his back story and psychological profile?"
"The purpose of playing is to hold a mirror up to nature (Hamlet): audiences don't care about subtexts or writers' intentions." I do. "They want to see you living."
They chat some more, and Simon leaves. Trevor quite likes him, and is sorry to see him go.
Scene 8: Trevor is eating his Cobb salad by himself, his loneliness symbolized by vast space. The phone rings. Everything is going according to plan: first contact at the matinee, second at the audition, and then for the third, they had drinks. So their relationship has been orchestrated. This must be the superhero angle.
"You must take this seriously," the man on the phone says. "Simon has superpowers. He's unstable and incredibly dangerous." Wouldn't he have noticed his superpowers sooner than his late 30s? And if he really doesn't know, why not just tell him?
"You're sure that he's buying the act?"
Trevor: "Don't fret. I 've got him right where I want him."
The phone rings again. It's Simon: he was walking outside the Chinese Theater in Hollywood, and came across the star of director Von Kovac, who is directing Wonder Man. He sends Trevor a photo.
Trevor smiles. Everything is going according to plan.
We see Simon's loneliness in the crowd outside the theater. The end.
Beefcake: Nothing in the movie.
Other Sights: A lot of interesting location shots. I especially liked the tour of the interior of the studio.
Heterosexism: Nothing so far, but I imagine that Simon will meet the Girl of His Dreams at some point.
Gay Characters: Nothing specified. A review says that Simon having to hide his superpowers is parallel to gay actors having to stay in the closet to keep working in Hollywood, but the same could be said for every secret identity ever.
In a 1999 issue of The New Avengers, Simon kisses the X-Man Beast, the first gay kiss in the Marvel Comics. It was explained away as buddy affection, which strikes me as a cop-out.
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